The 7 Criteria of Emotional Maturity

What does it mean to be mature? According to Merriam-Webster, mature is defined as having completed natural growth and development. That is, being fully grown, complete, ready.

I do not believe that we arrive at a state of complete emotional maturity with no further need for growth and development. Rather, emotional maturity is a life-long process. We continually grow in our experience of love, acceptance, stability, adaption, and so forth.

Following is the list (underlined) of Criteria of Emotional Maturity by William C. Menninger, psychiatrist and co-founder of the Menninger Clinic along with some of my thoughts and comments. As we grow and develop in the following areas, we become more emotionally mature with greater mental and emotional stability, healthier relationships, and improved lives.

1. The ability to deal constructively with reality

To deal with reality in a constructive manner, we must face truth, the facts, rather than deny them. Running from problems or hoping they do not exist does not make them go away. Regardless of how unpleasant they may be at times, facing the facts is the first step to dealing with any situation.

When people have difficulty facing reality, they resort to all sorts of unhealthy ways to deal with the unpleasant feelings and pain. They try to soothe themselves with alcohol, drugs, or any other way that temporarily masks their reality and pain. There are healthy and constructive ways to cope that lead to greater emotional maturity and growth. It may not be the easiest path to take, but it leads to healing, lasting comfort and hope.

Set up as an ideal the facing of reality as honestly and as cheerfully as possible. ~Karl Menninger

2. The capacity to adapt to change

Change is not always easy. It can turn our world upside down at times and cause a great deal of stress. Whether the change is minor, like having to change our plans for the day, or more significant, such as moving to a new home, changing jobs, getting married or divorced, adapting to change is to make necessary adjustments. Sometimes the most important adjustment is in our attitude. Change can annoy us as it disrupts our routine and expectations, but we can choose to accept it and allow ourselves time to get comfortable with change.

3. A relative freedom from symptoms that are produced by tensions and anxieties

The symptoms produced from tensions and anxieties can include physical distress (headaches, stomach problems, rapid heart rate) and emotional distress (worry, restlessness, panic). Anxiety is a major mental health problem affecting millions of people every day. It negatively affects all levels of people's lives--their mental and physical health, relationships, work. To live free of its destructive symptoms and consequences is to cope with life stress in a healthy manner, learn to relax, release worries, and develop inner peace.

4. The capacity to find more satisfaction in giving than receiving

People who give of themselves--their time, attention, help, finances, or what they are able-- are generally more fulfilled and happy than those who do not. People who are primarily takers are more likely to use others for their own personal gain and are often considered selfish, stingy, and/or greedy. Like the old scrooge, they end up miserable. Givers, on the other hand, want to contribute and make a positive difference in this world. It is healthy to give cheerfully and willingly as it contributes to our sense of purpose and helps us connect with others and our society.

5. The capacity to relate to other people in a consistent manner with mutual satisfaction and helpfulness

Like I always say, life is all about relationships. We relate to others every single day--whether it is a relative, co-worker, neighbor, or stranger, our lives are intertwined with others. Love and respect are two key factors to relating successfully to others. Unlike dysfunctional relationships, healthy relationships are stable and provide deep satisfaction and joy. I share much more about this in my book, The 10 Keys to Happy and Loving Relationships.

6. The capacity to sublimate, to direct one's instinctive hostile energy into creative and constructive outlets

If we were to release all our frustrations and anger on the world, we would have a hostile existence. Instead, we can take that energy and direct it into something good and productive. It has long been said that sports is a great outlet of extra energy. Anything that is positive, constructive and creative can redirect our energies and put them to good use. A basketball player once told me that the court is where all his angry energy was released. He redirected his hostile energy in an acceptable way within specific guidelines and limits. It gave him a constructive outlet and helped him to really enjoy what he was doing without hurting others and/or himself.

7. The capacity to love

Love is the greatest power in the world. As humans, we are born with the capacity to love. The greatest differences between us are how we communicate our love. In my book, The 10 Keys to Happy and Loving Relationships, I share the most effective ways to communicate love that will improve relationships and help you grow in the power and capacity to love.

Love cures people - both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it. ~Karl Menninger

One does not fall in love; one grows into love, and love grows in him. ~Karl MenningerSelf-love is not opposed to the love of other people. You cannot really love yourself and do yourself a favor without doing people a favor, and vise versa. ~Karl Menninger

Experience is not what happens to you, it's how you interpret what happens to you. ~Aldous Huxley

Maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had, and what you've learned from them, and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated. ~unknown

In the last decade or so, science has discovered a tremendous amount about the role emotions play in our lives. Researchers have found that even more than IQ, your emotional awareness and abilities to handle feelings will determine your success and happiness in all walks of life, including family relationships. ~John Gottman (from Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child)

Let's not forget that the little emotions are the great captains of our lives and we obey them without realizing it. ~Vincent Van Gogh

Copyright © 2010 Krystal Kuehn, New Day Counseling. All Rights Reserved.

Criteria of Emotional Maturity by William C. Menninger, MD (1899-1966), Co-founder of The Menninger Clinic, Copyright © 1966 The Menninger Clinic

Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a licensed professional counselor, best-selling author, teacher, and musician. She specializes in helping people live their best life now, reach their full potential, overcome barriers, heal from their past, and develop a lifestyle of health, happiness, and love. Krystal is the cofounder of NewDayCounseling.org, a relationship counseling, family counseling center, specializing in helping individuals, couples and families with professional counseling services for relationship problems, parenting issues, depression, anxiety as well a s substance abuse classes, anger management groups, and more. Krystal is also cofounder of StopSuicideSong.com and BeHappy4Life.com as well as Facebook.com/WordsOfInspiration and several blogs.




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Practice Gratitude to be Healthy, Happy and Wealthy

If you have health, you will probably be happy, and if you have health and happiness, you have all the wealth you need, even if it is not all you want. ~Elbert Hubbard

As I reflected on the quote above, I was reminded of several things. For one, health is not only a gift, it is a responsiblity. We make choices every day that affect our overall physical, emotional and spiritual health. What we put into our bodies and minds has immediate and/or long-term influence in our lives. Something as simple as complaining about a frustrated goal or dreaded appointment can keep us from feeling gratitude and hope. Something seemingly innocuous as snacking on sweets can spoil our appetite for healthy foods and contribute to our feelings of guilt and lack of self-control.

Taking good care of ourselves is an ongoing process and challenge that can become an established way of life with commitment, discipline and practice. The more we practice healthy habits of body and mind, the more likely they will come naturally to us. With practice, we can feed our minds and bodies with what is good for them, and we can have better health.

Now if we have health, that is, if our minds and bodies are well taken care of, we will most likely be happy as it stands to reason. In that case, happiness is actually a byproduct of a healthy body, soul, and spirit. And furthermore, if we have both health and happiness, we are wealthy indeed. Now the last part of the quote is what I spent a little more time thinking about. It states that with health and happiness we have all the wealth we need. Yet, despite having this wealth, it may not be all we want. 

Does this imply that we can still be happy and not have what we want? We may have what we need, but is it enough? Does not having what we want justify unhappiness? To some of us it does. We are not happy unless we have what we want. But to be happy in the midst of not having what we want suggests a way of being that leaves our inner joy intact. Is it hope that keeps us believing? Is it gratitude that keeps us fulfilled? Is it patience that helps us to appreciate and live in the now? Is it peace that keeps us secure? Is it love that satisfies our deepest longings?

The next time not having what we want tempts to rob us of true inner joy and peace, maybe we ought to ask ourselves how much our health is worth. Are we not wealthy when we see the good, hope and believe the best, release doubts, fears, and anger, receive and give love and thanks? And are we not wealthy when we awaken to a new day with strength and vitality, seeing the light, breathing fresh air, and ready to fulfill our day's purpose and enjoy life's simple blessings?

Health, happiness, and wealth.... suddenly they all seem to come together.

Reflections on Health, Happiness & Wealth
Copyright © 2010 BeHappy4Life.com. All Rights Reserved

 

Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a licensed professional counselor, best-selling author, teacher, and musician. She specializes in helping people live their best life now, reach their full potential, overcome barriers, heal from their past, and develop a lifestyle of health, happiness, and love. Krystal is the cofounder of NewDayCounseling.org, a relationship counseling, family counseling center, specializing in helping individuals, couples and families with professional counseling services for relationship problems, parenting issues, depression, anxiety as well a s substance abuse classes, anger management groups, and more. Krystal is also cofounder of StopSuicideSong.com and BeHappy4Life.com as well as Facebook.com/WordsOfInspiration and several blogs.

Giving Thanks: Why It Makes You Happy, Fills You with Peace & Changes Your Life!

We all have been reminded to count our blessings and not take them for granted. Although we may claim to be grateful, we do not necessarily experience the kind of joy and peace that gratitude can bring us. In this uplifting book, Giving Thanks – Why It Makes You Happy, Fills You with Peace and Changes Your Life! , you will discover the untold power of gratitude in every area of your life. You will be inspired to receive and enjoy the good things in life that are available to you every day. Your life and the way you live it will never be the same once you discover the miraculous power of gratitude!

Click here to look inside

365 Motivation Starters for a New Day

We can begin each new day with motivation and anticipation of good things to come. No matter what happened yesterday, today is a new day. And with it, we are given a new opportunity to enjoy life, to love and laugh, to learn and grow, to win and conquer, to prosper and live fully.

Whether or not we realize it, we begin each new day wanting it to be good and purposeful. No one wakes us saying, “I want to be aimless and unmotivated today.” However, we hold a responsibility to encourage and motivate ourselves. And that is the goal of the simple truths in 365 Motivation Starters for a New Day. They are simple every day reminders intended to motivate and help you to:

· Think about your endless opportunities to live a fulfilling life
· Get motivated to take some action
· Focus on what matters most to you
· Consider your priorities and decisions
· Improve your relationships
· Grow, learn, and make positive changes in your life
· Fill your mind with positive, empowering thoughts

You can live with motivation, purpose and joy each new day of the year. May the following pages remind you that you have the power within you to choose your attitude every day, to motivate and encourage yourself, and to live a truly fulfilling and successful life!

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***7 Common Negative Labels & the Hidden Strengths They Reveal

We all have strengths and weakness.  Our strengths are usually referred to in positive terms such as "smart," "strong" or "talented."  Rarely do we view our weaknesses or deficits as potential clues to our strengths.  Some common and negatively perceived characteristics can actually help us discover some very positive qualities and underlying strengths. 


Following is a list of 7 common negative labels and some other ways we might look at them:

We all have strengths and weakness. Our strengths are usually referred to in positive terms such as "smart," "strong" or "talented." Rarely do we view our weaknesses or deficits as potential clues to our strengths. Some common and negatively perceived characteristics can actually help us discover some very positive qualities and underlying strengths.

Following is a list of 7 common negative labels and some other ways we might look at them:


1. Stubborn - People described as stubborn may also be described as being difficult, resistant, and unbendable. However, their underlying strengths may include some positive qualities such as: persistence, determination, and an unwillingness to give up.

2. Controlling - When people are said to be controlling, it usually suggests that they may be firm, manipulative and/or authoritative. On a positive note, they may also be assuring and/or resourceful.

3. Uncooperative - This label may suggest disunity. However, it may also suggest underlying strengths such as independence, a self-starter, inner-directed and motivated.

4. Perfectionist - Sometimes perfectionists are seen as being unrealistic, unhappy and dissatisfied with their best unless it is flawless, without any mistakes. On the positive side, perfectionists may be highly driven and motivated people. They may be persistent in problem-solving and/or highly dedicated.

5. Dependent - This label is sometimes associated with weakness. However, someone who is dependent may also be a social person, flexible and/or cooperative.

6. Nosey - These people like to know secrets and they do not like to miss out on any interesting news or happenings. Their underlying strengths may include a healthy curiousity for knowledge and insight. They might enjoy research and investigation. Their inquisitive nature may help them to ask the right questions and get the answers needed.

7. Sarcastic - This label may seem to be limited in uncovering any underlying strengths since it is often assoicated with being mean, insensitive, cunning and/or selfish. Yet, it is another negative label that can reveal some underlying strengths. Maybe people described as sarcastic may also be pretty clever and perceptive.



Although people have a tendency to use labels when describing others, it is more beneficial to be aware of individual characteristics and qualities. Labels can be very general and may imply different things to different people. They usually are associated with negative traits. However, considering the hidden strengths that can be implied helps us to reconsider the implications of negative labels. We can be more open to uncovering strengths and potentially positive qualities. We can focus on what is good and likeable about someone rather than what is bad and undesirable. It is simply another way to look at things and one in which we are encouraged to find the best in others.

When you look for the good in others, you discover the best in yourself. ~Martin Walsh

People judge by outward appearance, but God looks at the heart. ~1 Samuel 16:7

Look for the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. ~Philippians

7 Common Negative Labels & the Hidden Strengths They Reveal
Copyright © 2012 Krystal Kuehn BeHappy4Life.com NewDayCounseling.org All Rights Reserved



Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a licensed professional counselor, best-selling author, teacher, and musician. She specializes in helping people live their best life now, reach their full potential, overcome barriers, heal from their past, and develop a lifestyle of health, happiness, and love. Krystal is the cofounder of NewDayCounseling.org, a relationship counseling, family counseling center, specializing in helping individuals, couples and families with professional counseling services for relationship problems, parenting issues, depression, anxiety as well a s substance abuse classes, anger management groups, and more. Krystal is also cofounder of StopSuicideSong.com and BeHappy4Life.com as well as Facebook.com/WordsOfInspiration and several blogs.

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International Best Seller: The 10 Keys to Happy and Loving Relationships provides essential tools to help you understand relationships and how to make them more fulfilling, harmonious and successful. You will be taken on a personal journey to discover how you communicate the 10 key attributes of love as you relate to others. You will be empowered with tools to replace unhealthy patterns with new, healthy and effective ways to communicate, connect and love others. And you will discover how to communicate and experience genuine love and true happiness in ways that will change you, your relationships and your life forever!

Click here to see inside the book.


New Day Counseling is a family couples counseling center that provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, child therapy, adolescent counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseling, porn addiction counseling, substance abuse counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.


Put an end to anger problems & regain control over your life today. Anger management classes help for personal, court, and business. For more info go to newdaycounseling.org or call 248-649-8050 to register today. * Anger management classes and/or individual anger counseling can be extremely supportive and helpful in equipping us with many tools for a better life.

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Failure--It's All How You Approach It

Following are contrasting ways that people approach failure. 

Look at the list and answer: How do I approach failure? 

What are some ways I can improve and change the way I experience failure?

Blaming Others............................versus.......Taking Responsibility
Repeating the Same Mistakes......versus........Learning From Each Mistake
Expecting Never to Fail Again... ...versus.......Knowing Failure is a Part of Progress
Expecting to Continually Fail..... ..versus.......Maintaining a Positive Attitude
Accepting Tradition Blindly...... ...versus.......Challenging Outdated Assumptions
Being Limited by Past Mistakes...versus.......Taking New Risks
Thinking, I am a Failure...............versus.......Believing Something Didn't Work  
Accepting Quitting.......................versus.......Persevering

Failing Forward by John Maxwell

People can trace thier successes and failures to the relationships in thier lives....Many people fall into the trap of taking relationships for granted.  That's not good, because our ability to build and maintain healthy relationships is the single most important factor in how we get along in every area of life. ~John Maxwell

International Best Seller: The 10 Keys to Happy and Loving Relationships provides essential tools to help you understand relationships and how to make them more fulfilling, harmonious and successful. You will be taken on a personal journey to discover how you communicate the 10 key attributes of love as you relate to others. You will be empowered with tools to replace unhealthy patterns with new, healthy and effective ways to communicate, connect and love others. And you will discover how to communicate and experience genuine love and true happiness in ways that will change you, your relationships and your life forever!

Click here to see inside the book.


New Day Counseling is a family couples counseling center that provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, child therapy, adolescent counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseling, porn addiction counseling, substance abuse counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.


Put an end to anger problems & regain control over your life today. Anger management classes help for personal, court, and business. For more info go to newdaycounseling.org or call 248-649-8050 to register today. * Anger management classes and/or individual anger counseling can be extremely supportive and helpful in equipping us with many tools for a better life.

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What is Your Love Language? Part 5 of 5

You can give without loving, but you can never love without giving. ~unknown

The heart of the giver makes the gift dear and precious. ~ Martin Luther

Does your partner feel loved by you? Do your children believe you love them? How about you, do you feel loved? If you are not speaking the same language with your partner, children, or others, then sincere feelings and true love can be easily missed! That is because love and affection can be demonstrated in many different ways. To some, words that affirm feelings and beliefs most strongly convey love. To others, physical symbols such as gifts speak loudest.

According to Dr. Gary Chapman, there are 5 fundamental languages of love (Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch and Gifts). We all have a primary love language--one that makes us feel loved more than any other.

Following is Part Two of the 5 love languages. Which language speaks to your heart the most? How about your partner, children, friends? We often communicate our own primary love language to others and hope they will understand the love and affection we are trying to communicate. For example, if my love language is words of affirmation and yours is quality time, you might not feel loved no matter what words I say to you if you do not feel I am spending enough time with you.

Even if we are communicating our affection with all of our heart, and it is not in the language that our partner can understand, he or she may not feel loved. If we will learn to speak one another's love language in the way that we can understand, we will experience the love we need from one another.

Love Language 4:  Gifts

This love language is a physical symbol that your partner is thinking about you.

A gift doesn't have to be expensive or fancy.  It can be anything that reminds your partner that you are thinking about him/her.



For information about Dr. Chapman's book: The 5 Love Languages, click here.


It isn't the size of the gift that matters, but the size of the heart that gives it. ~Eileen Elias Freeman

May no gift be too small to give, nor too simple to receive, which is wrapped in thoughtfulness, and tied with love. ~ L.O. Baird


A wise lover values not so much the gift of the lover as the love of the giver. ~Thomas á Kempis
The paradox of gifts: I know what I have given you. I do not know what you have received. ~Dr. SunWolf

The manner of giving is worth more than the gift. ~Pierre Corneille

International Best Seller: The 10 Keys to Happy and Loving Relationships provides essential tools to help you understand relationships and how to make them more fulfilling, harmonious and successful. You will be taken on a personal journey to discover how you communicate the 10 key attributes of love as you relate to others. You will be empowered with tools to replace unhealthy patterns with new, healthy and effective ways to communicate, connect and love others. And you will discover how to communicate and experience genuine love and true happiness in ways that will change you, your relationships and your life forever!

Click here to see inside the book.


New Day Counseling is a family couples counseling center that provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, child therapy, adolescent counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseling, porn addiction counseling, substance abuse counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.


Put an end to anger problems & regain control over your life today. Anger management classes help for personal, court, and business. For more info go to newdaycounseling.org or call 248-649-8050 to register today. * Anger management classes and/or individual anger counseling can be extremely supportive and helpful in equipping us with many tools for a better life.

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What is Your Love Language? Part 4 of 5

If you want to make good use of your time, you’ve got to know what’s most important and then give it all you’ve got. ~Lee Iacocca

Lost wealth may be replaced by industry, lost knowledge by study, lost health by temperance or medicine, but lost time is gone forever. ~Samuel Smiles

Time is at once the most valuable and the most perishable of all our possessions. ~John Randolph

What is Your Love Language?

Does your partner feel loved by you? Do your children believe you love them? How about you, do you feel loved? If you are not speaking the same language with your partner, children, or others, then sincere feelings and true love can be easily missed! That is because love and affection can be demonstrated in many different ways. To some, words that affirm feelings and beliefs most strongly convey love. To others, physical symbols such as gifts speak loudest.

According to Dr. Gary Chapman, there are 5 fundamental languages of love (Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch and Gifts). We all have a primary love language--one that makes us feel loved more than any other.

Following is Part Two of the 5 love languages. Which language speaks to your heart the most? How about your partner, children, friends? We often communicate our own primary love language to others and hope they will understand the love and affection we are trying to communicate. For example, if my love language is words of affirmation and yours is quality time, you might not feel loved no matter what words I say to you if you do not feel I am spending enough time with you.

Even if we are communicating our affection with all of our heart, and it is not in the language that our partner can understand, he or she may not feel loved. If we will learn to speak one another's love language in the way that we can understand, we will experience the love we need from one another.

Love Language 4:  Quality Time


This love language is about giving your partner your time and focused attention.

Examples include: talking, enjoying an activity together with the focus being on being together and not on the activity itself, talking a walk, going out to eat and talking (just two of you)


For information about Dr. Chapman's book: The 5 Love Languages, click here.

Time = life; therefore, waste your time and waste of your life, or master your time and master your life. ~Alan Lakein

The key is in not spending time, but in investing it. ~Stephen R. Covey

In truth, people can generally make time for what they choose to do; it is not really the time but the will that is lacking. ~Sir John Lubbock

Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of. ~Benjamin Franklin

Time is an equal opportunity employer. Each human being has exactly the same number of hours and minutes every day. Rich people can't buy more hours. Scientists can't invent new minutes. And you can't save time to spend it on another day. Even so, time is amazingly fair and forgiving. No matter how much time you've wasted in the past, you still have an entire tomorrow. ~Denis Waitely

Your children can be around you all day, but if you don't spend quality time with them and you don't pay attention to them and talk to them and listen to them, it doesn't matter that they're just around you. ~Brandy Norwood

International Best Seller: The 10 Keys to Happy and Loving Relationships provides essential tools to help you understand relationships and how to make them more fulfilling, harmonious and successful. You will be taken on a personal journey to discover how you communicate the 10 key attributes of love as you relate to others. You will be empowered with tools to replace unhealthy patterns with new, healthy and effective ways to communicate, connect and love others. And you will discover how to communicate and experience genuine love and true happiness in ways that will change you, your relationships and your life forever!

Click here to see inside the book.


New Day Counseling is a family couples counseling center that provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, child therapy, adolescent counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseling, porn addiction counseling, substance abuse counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.


Put an end to anger problems & regain control over your life today. Anger management classes help for personal, court, and business. For more info go to newdaycounseling.org or call 248-649-8050 to register today. * Anger management classes and/or individual anger counseling can be extremely supportive and helpful in equipping us with many tools for a better life.

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What is Your Love Language? Part 3 of 5

Don't say you love me unless you really mean it, because I might do something crazy like believe it.  ~Anonymous

If you love someone tell them... because hearts are often broken by words left unspoken. ~Pamela Daranjo

What is Your Love Language?

Does your partner feel loved by you? Do your children believe you love them? How about you, do you feel loved? If you are not speaking the same language with your partner, children, or others, then sincere feelings and true love can be easily missed! That is because love and affection can be demonstrated in many different ways. To some, words that affirm feelings and beliefs most strongly convey love. To others, physical symbols such as gifts speak loudest.

According to Dr. Gary Chapman, there are 5 fundamental languages of love (Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch and Gifts). We all have a primary love language--one that makes us feel loved more than any other.

Following is Part Three of the 5 love languages. Which language speaks to your heart the most? How about your partner, children, friends? We often communicate our own primary love language to others and hope they will understand the love and affection we are trying to communicate. For example, if my love language is words of affirmation and yours is quality time, you might not feel loved no matter what words I say to you if you do not feel I am spending enough time with you.

Even if we are communicating our affection with all of our heart, and it is not in the language that our partner can understand, he or she may not feel loved. If we will learn to speak one another's love language in the way that we can understand, we will experience the love we need from one another.

Love Language 3:  Words of Affirmation

This love language is about using words to affirm your love. 

Examples include: 
I love you
I really appreciate....
You are so beautiful/you're really hot
You did a nice job
You come up with great ideas
What I love about you is...

For information about Dr. Chapman's book: The 5 Love Languages, click here.

Words so innocent and powerless… when standing in a dictionary, how potent for good or evil they become in the hands of one who knows how to combine them. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne

Perhaps you will never forget tomorrow the kind words you say today, but the recipient may cherish them for a lifetime. ~Dale Carnegie

Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are endless. ~Mother Theresa

Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones.

~Proverbs 16:24

Watch your manner of speech if you want to develop a peaceful state of mind. Start each day by affirming peaceful, contented and happy attitudes and your days will tend to be pleasant and successful. ~Norman Vincent Peale

International Best Seller: The 10 Keys to Happy and Loving Relationships provides essential tools to help you understand relationships and how to make them more fulfilling, harmonious and successful. You will be taken on a personal journey to discover how you communicate the 10 key attributes of love as you relate to others. You will be empowered with tools to replace unhealthy patterns with new, healthy and effective ways to communicate, connect and love others. And you will discover how to communicate and experience genuine love and true happiness in ways that will change you, your relationships and your life forever!

Click here to see inside the book.


New Day Counseling is a family couples counseling center that provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, child therapy, adolescent counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseling, porn addiction counseling, substance abuse counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.


Put an end to anger problems & regain control over your life today. Anger management classes help for personal, court, and business. For more info go to newdaycounseling.org or call 248-649-8050 to register today. * Anger management classes and/or individual anger counseling can be extremely supportive and helpful in equipping us with many tools for a better life.

<<< Back to Be Your Best Blog Home

What is Your Love Language? Part 2 of 5



Does your partner feel loved by you? Do your children believe you love them? How about you, do you feel loved? If you are not speaking the same language with your partner, children, or others, then sincere feelings and true love can be easily missed! That is because love and affection can be demonstrated in many different ways. To some, words that affirm and encourage most strongly convey love. To others, physical symbols such as gifts speak loudest.

According to Dr. Gary Chapman, there are 5 fundamental languages of love (Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch and Gifts). We all have a primary love language--one that makes us feel loved more than any other.

Following is Part Two of the 5 love languages. Which language speaks to your heart the most? How about your partner, children, friends? We often communicate our own primary love language to others and hope they will understand the love and affection we are trying to communicate. For example, if my love language is words of affirmation and yours is quality time, you might not feel loved no matter what words I say to you if you do not feel I am spending enough time with you.

Even if we are communicating our affection with all of our heart, and it is not in the language that our partner can understand, he or she may not feel loved. If we will learn to speak one another's love language in the way that we can understand, we will experience the love we need from one another.

Love Language 2:  Physical Touch

This love language is about touching in a loving, affirming way.

Examples include: holding hands, kissing, hugging, sex, running hands through hair, tickling, rubbing back or shoulders



WHAT EACH KISS MEANS
- Kiss on the Forehead: We're cute together .
- Kiss on the Cheek: We're friends.
- Kiss on the Hand: I adore you.
- Kiss on the Neck: I want you, now.
- Kiss on the Shoulder: Your perfect.
- Kiss on the Lips: I LOVE YOU...

WHAT EACH GESTURE MEANS:
- Holding Hands: We definitely like each other.
- Holding you tight pressed against each other: I want you.
- Looking into each other's Eyes: I like you, for who you are.
- Playing with Hair: Let's fool around.
- Arms around the Waist: I like you too much to let go.
- Laughing while Kissing: I am completely comfortable with you.
 From the BoardofWisdom.com


We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift. ~Marilyn Monroe

We don't love others when we find them beautiful,  we find others beautiful when we love them. ~Josei Toda

I will reveal to you a love potion, without medicine, without herbs, without any witch's magic; if you want to be loved, then love. ~Hecato of Rhodes

To learn more about love languages and for information about Dr. Chapman's book: The 5 Love Languages, click here.

 

International Best Seller: The 10 Keys to Happy and Loving Relationships provides essential tools to help you understand relationships and how to make them more fulfilling, harmonious and successful. You will be taken on a personal journey to discover how you communicate the 10 key attributes of love as you relate to others. You will be empowered with tools to replace unhealthy patterns with new, healthy and effective ways to communicate, connect and love others. And you will discover how to communicate and experience genuine love and true happiness in ways that will change you, your relationships and your life forever!

Click here to see inside the book.


New Day Counseling is a family couples counseling center that provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, child therapy, adolescent counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseling, porn addiction counseling, substance abuse counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.


Put an end to anger problems & regain control over your life today. Anger management classes help for personal, court, and business. For more info go to newdaycounseling.org or call 248-649-8050 to register today. * Anger management classes and/or individual anger counseling can be extremely supportive and helpful in equipping us with many tools for a better life.

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What is Your Love Language? Part 1 of 5

Does your partner feel loved by you?  Do your children believe you love them?  How about you, do you feel loved?  If you are not speaking the same language with your partner, children, or others, then sincere feelings and true love can be easily missed!  That is because love and affection can be demonstrated in many different ways.  To some, words that affirm feelings and beliefs most strongly convey love. To others, physical symbols such as gifts speak loudest. 

According to Dr. Gary Chapman, there are 5 fundamental languages of love (Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch and Gifts).  We all have a primary love language--one that makes us feel loved more than any other. 

Following is Part One of the 5 love languages.  Which language speaks to your heart the most?  How about your partner, children, friends?  We often communicate our own primary love language to others and hope they will understand the love and affection we are trying to communicate.  For example, if my love language is words of affirmation and yours is quality time, you might not feel loved no matter what words I say to you if you do not feel I am spending enough time with you. 

Even if we are communicating our love and affection with all our heart,  and it is not in the language that our partner can understand, he or she may not feel loved.  If we will learn to speak one another's love language in the way that we can understand, we will experience the love we need from one another. 

Love Language 1:  ACTS OF SERVICE

This love language is about doing something that your partner would like you to do. 

Examples include: fixing the computer, washing dishes, ironing clothes, taking the dog for a walk, cooking, washing the car,  picking something up at the store

For information about Dr. Chapman's book: The 5 Love Languages, click here.

Well done is better than well said.  ~ Benjamin Franklin

Imperfect Action is better than no action. ~Giovanna Garcia

You see, in life, lots of people know what to do, but few people actually do what they know. Knowing is not enough! You must take action.  - Anthony Robbins

    

International Best Seller: The 10 Keys to Happy and Loving Relationships provides essential tools to help you understand relationships and how to make them more fulfilling, harmonious and successful. You will be taken on a personal journey to discover how you communicate the 10 key attributes of love as you relate to others. You will be empowered with tools to replace unhealthy patterns with new, healthy and effective ways to communicate, connect and love others. And you will discover how to communicate and experience genuine love and true happiness in ways that will change you, your relationships and your life forever!

Click here to look inside the book.


New Day Counseling is a family couples counseling center that provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, child therapy, adolescent counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseling, porn addiction counseling, substance abuse counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.


Put an end to anger problems & regain control over your life today. Anger management classes help for personal, court, and business. For more info go to newdaycounseling.org or call 248-649-8050 to register today. * Anger management classes and/or individual anger counseling can be extremely supportive and helpful in equipping us with many tools for a better life.

<<< Back to Be Your Best Blog Home

7 Reasons Why Setting New Goals Enriches Your Life

One thing I absolutely love about a new year, or a new day for that matter, is that it gives us a fresh start to set new goals and implement new plans to pursue and achieve. I have recently set some new goals that have been keeping me very busy, motivated, and excited. One of my many goals began about several months ago. I decided to get in better physically shape by exercising more and cutting back on sugar.  I began a kettle bells program, stuck with it, and now I am finally seeing the results I wanted.

Fitness has been just one of my goals. I have set others as well and I am amazed at how focused and motivated they keep  me. One thing I believe is that we must set goals for the things we love to do. Personally, my musical goals keep me interested, challenged, and provide a lot of fun and enjoyment in my life.  We all need a healthy balance of work and play. I encourage everyone to add pleasurable activities and goals to their lives as much as possible.

Setting new goals can be very exciting and rewarding. I was recently thinking about the many reasons I am thankful for new goals. Goal setting has many benefits! I came up with 7, but I am sure there are many more. Please feel free to add to the list.

1. Goals give us something to look forward to, anticipate, expect.
2. Goals require us to make plans that we can pursue and achieve.
3. Goals help to refine our focus and vision.
4. Goals can spark our dreams and hopes and help us move toward them.
5. Goals give us the opportunity to learn, grow, change and improve.
6. Goals keep us moving forward.
7. Goals keep us busy, occupied and productive.

Setting new goals is a great way to start the new year and it is something we can do every day. For specific steps, go to my article: 5 Steps to Goal Setting Successful.


Your goals are the road maps that guide you and show you what is possible for your life. ~Les Brown

If you don't know where you are going, you'll end up someplace else. ~Yogi Berra

Life can be pulled by goals just as surely as it can be pushed by drives. ~Viktor Frankl

There is no happiness except in the realization that we have accomplished something. ~Henry Ford

Our plans miscarry because they have no aim. When a man does not know what harbor he is making for, no wind is the right wind. ~Seneca

It is not enough to take steps which may some day lead to a goal; each step must be itself a goal and a step likewise. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe


Copyright © 2012 Krystal Kuehn, New Day Family and Couples Counseling Center. All Rights Reserved.


Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a licensed professional counselor, author, teacher, and musician. She specializes in helping people live their best life now, reach their full potential, overcome barriers, heal from their past, and develop a lifestyle of health, happiness, and love. Krystal is the cofounder of NewDayCounseling.org, a relationship counseling, family counseling center, specializing in helping individuals, couples and families with professional counseling services for relationship problems, parenting issues, depression, anxiety as well a s substance abuse classes, anger management groups, and more. Krystal is also cofounder of StopSuicideSong.com NewSongProductions.com and Facebook.com/WordsOfInspiration.

Krystal is also author of The 10 Keys to Happy and Loving Relationships, Giving Thanks:


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