When Is It Safe to Leave Kids Home Alone?

We leave our children with babysitters, teachers, child care workers and other parents, but when is it safe to leave them home alone? The most common age for children to stay home alone is usually 12 years old. Most states have not enacted legislation regarding the age when children can be left unsupervised. Therefore, it is up to the parent to make a responsible decision that is most appropriate for both them and the child.

A child should not be left home alone until both the parent and child are ready. It is normal for parents to feel a little anxious when they first leave their child home alone. The parent will need to feel that the child can be trusted to be responsible when left unsupervised.

The experience of being home alone requires the child to be more independent. The child will need to feel confident and safe. It is important to prepare and teach the child some safety rules. For example, a child should know what to do in case of an emergency, if someone comes to the door, or if a stranger calls. Phone numbers need to be available. The parent should also be able to get in contact with the child by phone at all times. The child also needs to be sure that he or she can get a hold of the parent if necessary.

When leaving children home alone, it is best to start with short periods of time so both the parent and child can become accustomed to this new responsibility that the child is entrusted with. It is best to start with a few practice runs lasting a half hour or so with the parent nearby and easily accessible. It can eventually build up to a couple of hours as long as the parent and child are comfortable with the arrangements.

There should be clear rules when children stay home alone and unsupervised. First, they must understand the importance of following the rules for their safety. Some rules can include:

> Do not answer the door (or phone, unless it is parent)
> Keep doors and windows locked
> Do not leave house while parent is gone
> Have contact phone numbers readily available
> Complete assigned chores or homework

> Depending on age, there should be specific rules about cooking and kitchen safety
> Have set TV time and shows allowed
> Have computer/internet rules

Leaving children home alone is something all parents eventually have to do as their children become more independent. By taking simple steps to set some rules and make it safe, it can be a very good, growing experience for both children and their parents.

"Safety First" is "Safety Always." ~Charles M. Hayes

Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less. ~- Marie Curie

When you're prepared, you're more confident. When you have a strategy, you're more comfortable. ~Fred Couples

Children are apt to live up to what you believe of them.  ~Lady Bird Johnson


The best training any parent can give a child is to train the child to train himself. ~A. P. Gouthey

If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders. ~Abigail Van Buren



Few things help an individual more than to place responsibility upon him, and to let him know that you trust him. ~Booker T. Washington













Copyright © 2010 Krystal Kuehn, New Day Counseling Center. All Rights Reserved.


Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a licensed professional counselor, author, teacher, and musician. She specializes in helping people live their best life now, reach their full potential, overcome barriers, heal from their past, and develop a lifestyle of health, happiness, and love. Krystal is the cofounder of NewDayCounseling.org, a marriage counseling, family counseling center, specializing in helping individuals, couples and families with professional counseling services for relationship problems, parenting issues, depression, anxiety as well a s substance abuse classes, anger management groups, and more. Krystal is also cofounder of StopSuicideSong.com and BeHappy4Life.com as well as Facebook.com/WordsOfInspiration and several blogs.



New Day Counseling is a family couples counseling center that provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer relationship counseling, couples counseling / marriage therapy, child therapy, adolescent counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseling, porn addiction counseling, substance abuse counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.



Love and Logic Parenting Classes help you with the most important job there is! You can learn practical tools & techniques for effective discipline, better communication, appropriate boundaries, healthy decision-making, & respectful adult-child relationships. Workshops are available at New Day Counseling in Troy. For more information or to register online go to: Love and Logic Parenting Class or call 248-649-8050.


Put an end to anger problems & regain control over your life today. Anger management classes help for personal, court, and business. For more info go to newdaycounseling.org or call 248-649-8050 to register today. * Anger management class and/or individual anger counseling can be extremely supportive and helpful in equipping us with many tools for a better life.


Are you experiencing addiction or substance use that is impacting your daily life? You are not alone! There are many people struggling with substance abuse and addiction! There are also many people who recover and live a drug free lifestyle. Come join our 6 week substance abuse group to discover the pathway to freedom! One Day at A Time! For substance abuse classes and/or individual substance abuse counseling, call or visit us today.


Learn to handle & stabilize your emotions, lessen depression, and improve your relationships by learning coping skills, de-stressing techniques, and ways to change negative thought patterns with Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. Call 248-649-8050 to register for DBT Adult Anxiety & Depression Support Group today.


Self-Esteem Group for Teen Girls (ages 13-17)
Teen girls learn to feel empowered, gain self-awareness, develop positive coping, and improve daily problem-solving skills. Through G.I.R.L.S. (Girls in Real Life Situations) counseling curriculum, group discussion, and fun activities, girls will learn more about themselves and be better equipped to handle Real Life Situations. Call 248-649-8050 today to register. For more information, go to New Day Counseling Center. We also offer individual teenage counseling.



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4 Key Steps to Discussing Schoolwork & Building True Winners

You're on your way home from work. You're anxious for some encouraging talk and a little relaxation after a hard day. You need all the support you can get to recharge your batteries and feel strong enough to go back tomorrow and face another working day.

You are greeted with, "Hi, Honey. How was it today? Where are your papers? I want to see how you did all day." "It was OK," you reply. "I really don't want to talk about it. I'm really beat." "Well, no wonder you don't want to talk about it. Look at these papers. You can do a lot better than this. Where was your mind today? You sit down right now and we'll go over these proposals you wrote and get the spelling straightened out. And look at these paragraphs. You'll never get promoted at this rate. I don't understand this. You have so much more potential than this."

How long would it be before you find a more comfortable place to go after work? "Who needs this?" you'll say."I can find someone who can show me a little more appreciation for my hard work!"

Many school–age children face this same situation daily. They are greeted after school with, "What did you learn today?" and "Where is your homework? You get on it right now!"

Children are also requested to bring home their papers so that the mistakes can be corrected. Even though this is done with love and caring, it trains them to focus on their weaknesses.

The problem faced by students is that they can't choose to go somewhere else after school. They can't avoid facing a replay of their daily failures. They must return home and listen to whatever their parents have to say. It is very difficult for a child to say,"Mother! Do you realize you are training me to keep my school progress a secret from you?" Soon they quit bringing home papers. They make excuses and blame it on their teachers. "She never gives me my papers to bring home."

The next step is for the parent to go to school demanding that the teacher develop some sort of foolproof reporting method. Teachers are actually faced with writing daily and weekly reports for parents. This never provides a long-term solution because it addresses the wrong problem. It also robs teachers of valuable teaching and preparation time.

The real problem is that the child has learned that it is unsafe to discuss school with his or her parents. Rather than developing a reporting plan, it is much wiser to work on the real problem–helping children and parents learn to talk to each other in safe and supportive ways. This solution works, and it lasts a lifetime.

You can teach your child to discuss school with you. While you are doing this, you can also lay the foundation blocks that will build a true winner out of your youngster.


STEP ONE: Sit down with your children two to three times per week. Have them point out the best things they did on their papers.

STEP TWO: Make sure your child describes to you the reasons for his or her success. As they put these into words, the reasons for the success will be imprinted on their brain, never to be erased. They will start to believe they are in control of their success.

STEP THREE: Work with your children on their mistakes only when they ask for your help. Let the school work on deficiencies. Teachers have training to help with the deficiencies in effective ways.

STEP FOUR: Be patient. This is a real change in operation. It will take the child a period of time to believe that this is not just a new phase his parents are going through. Look for the real benefits to show up in several months or maybe during the next few years, depending upon the child's past history.

Winners always think about how they are going to succeed. Losers always think about their possible failures.


©1998 Jim Fay

Schoolwork written by Dr. Charles Fay. Dr. Charles Fay is a parent, author, and consultant to schools, parent groups, mental health professionals around the world and President of the Love and Logic Institute in Golden, CO.



Love & Logic Parenting Classes help you with the most important job there is! You can learn practical tools & techniques for effective discipline, better communication, appropriate boundaries, healthy decision-making, & respectful adult-child relationships. Workshops are available at New Day Counseling in Troy. For more information or to register online go to: Love and Logic Parenting Classes or call 248-649-8050.





New Day Family Marriage Counseling provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, children counseling, teenage counseling, divorce counseling, porn addiction counseling, substance abuse counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.






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Parent's Guide for Helping Children Succeed in School

1.Love and Logic parents remember that parents can't teach for teachers and teachers can't parent for parents. Remember that teachers and parents can't learn for kids no matter how much we love them.

2.Show the same amount of love for your children regardless of their success in school.

◦Show sadness rather than anger when they have trouble at school.

3.Expect your children to do their share of the chores at home.

4.Spend some time each day talking with excitement about your work and your day. They will want to imitate you and will soon begin to talk about school and their day.

5.Take turns reading to each other every day.

6.Have your children teach you something they have learned at school. Do this once per week.

7.Encourage your children to do things that "charge their batteries." Encourage them to try many different activities as a way of discovering interests and talents.

Remind them that they will build their careers around their talents, not around their weaknesses.

8.Provide a time and place for homework. Expect that they will study. Allow them to study either by writing the assignments or thinking hard about them for a reasonable amount of time.

◦If they decide to study by thinking instead of writing or reading, have them think of a plan for explaining it to the teacher.

◦Support the teacher to handle this:

1.Don't fight with children over the homework.

2.Don't fight with the teachers over the grade or consequence.

3.Tell your children that you will love them regardless of their grades or the number of years it takes to complete each grade.

9.Don't pay your children for good grades and don't punish for bad grades. Be excited about the good grades and sad for the children about their bad grades.

10.Have your children bring home papers.

◦Look at the right answers instead of the wrong ones.

◦Don't correct the wrong answers—leave this for the teacher.

◦Have your children explain the reasons for the answers being right. If they don't know, give them three choices:

1.You cheated?

2.You tried hard?

3.You are getting smarter in that subject?

11.Expect this Love and Logic program to take about one year before you see good results. Remember that children who have a hard time at school need to get away from it for a while each day. More homework and problems at home about school won't help.

◦Don't complain to teachers that they should give this child more homework.

◦Use this program instead and you will see amazing results in one year.

◦Fight with your children and their teachers about homework and the problem will still be there in years to come.

12. Love and Logic parents remember that highly successful people put most of their efforts into their talents and maintain minimal standards on everything else.

 

©1991 Jim Fay
The One Year Plan: Parent's Guide for Helping Children Succeed in School written by Jim Fay.

Love and Logic Institute, Golden, CO.





Love & Logic Parenting Classes help you with the most important job there is! You can learn practical tools & techniques for effective discipline, better communication, appropriate boundaries, healthy decision-making, & respectful adult-child relationships. Workshops are available at New Day Counseling in Troy. For more information or to register online go to: Love and Logic Parenting Classes or call 248-649-8050.




New Day Family Marriage Counseling provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, children therapy, teenage counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseing, porn addiction counseling, substance abuse counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.






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End Childhood Swearing - Stop Bad Language Without Lectures or Harsh Punishments

There is a tried and true psychological principle that says, "Notice something you don't like about your child, show some emotion, and the problem is guaranteed to get worse." Childhood swearing is a good example.

Nowhere do we see this phenomenon more evident than when parents hear their little cherub utter one of the dreaded four-letter words. Many parents react with a variety of emotions ranging from shock, to out and out adult temper tantrums complete with threats.

A normal child has to witness this parental display with utter fascination.

"Wow. Look at my folks now. I haven't generated this much household excitement in a long time. I know exactly how to push their buttons. Television can't compete with this!"

Many people believe some severe punishment for swearing will put an end to it. However, punishment doesn't work because the parent's attention is the ultimate reward. Punishment added to parental exasperation is intoxicating for the average kid.

Here are some real-world techniques to end these word battles:

1. Focus on the location of the word instead of the badness of the word.

Talk with your kids about situations when these words are and are not acceptable. Consistently react to swearing with, "Is this the right place for that word? Thank you." Some effective parents say, "How sad. There's someone in your mirror who enjoys those words. Why don't you go to your room and have a talk with that person."


2. Use the Love and Logic® "Energy Drain" technique.

"Oh, listening to words like that drains my energy. Give me a little while to think of some ways you can put that energy back in me." Say these words with the all the appropriate body language of a person who is becoming exhausted. Later say, "I think if you did some of my housework it might restore some of that energy I lost listening to your swearing. Thanks."

This worked for one mom who told me about her 6-year-old son who brought home some bad language from school. She dramatically held her head, sat down, and said, "Energy Drain," each time he said one of those words. She was unable to do things for him until he had restored her energy by doing some of her chores. His swearing soon faded away.

One day as she was driving him to school another driver cut her off. Before she could catch herself, she blasted the other driver with a few choice four-letter words. The moment those words slipped out, she realized her son was in the back seat hearing every word. As she looked in the rearview mirror, she saw his hand go to his head and heard him say, "Energy Drain." She was shocked.

This wise mother stopped the car, looked at her wonderful son, and asked, "Do you think an ice-cream cone would put some energy back in you?" "Maybe," he sniffed. As they sat in the ice-cream shop he looked at his mom and, with the most drained expression, said, "Mom. You said three bad words. My energy was really drained. I think I'll feel better after two more ice cream cones."

Using a few Love and Logic parenting techniques not only helps us raise better kids, but also trains our kids to be better parents when they grow up.


©2002 Jim Fay
End Childhood Swearing - Stop Bad Language Without Lectures or Harsh Punishments written by Dr. Charles Fay. Dr. Charles Fay is a parent, author, and consultant to schools, parent groups, mental health professionals around the world and President of the Love and Logic Institute in Golden, CO.


Love & Logic Parenting Classes help you with the most important job there is! You can learn practical tools & techniques for effective discipline, better communication, appropriate boundaries, healthy decision-making, & respectful adult-child relationships. Workshops are available at New Day Counseling in Troy. For more information or to register online go to: Love and Logic Parenting Classes or call 248-649-8050.




New Day Family Marriage Counseling provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, children counseling, teen counseling, divorce counseling, porn addiction, substance abuse counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.





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Teenagers and Spring Fever: Raising the Odds for Responsible Behavior

Spring fever can be deadly.

A survey completed by the Love and Logic Institute found 75 percent of American adults believe teenagers today face more serious, potentially life-threatening decisions than a generation ago. These decisions, combined with a strong dose of hormones and the vacations and parties that come with springtime, can challenge the most sensible teenagers.

Fortunately, there are some simple, time-tested tips for parents who want their teens to make cool decisions as the weather gets warmer.

Tip #1: Don't fall into the trap of thinking teens no longer need their parents.

Because their adolescents are becoming more independent, many parents believe it's okay to leave them without supervision for hours on end. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Wise parents understand this, and they recognize teens need a watchful, yet friendly eye.

Tip #2: Set enforceable limits.

Teens need and want limits. However, instead of telling your teen what they should do, experiment with telling them what you will do or what you will allow. Instead of, "Be home on time," experiment with something like, "I share the car keys with those who come home on time." Instead of, "Don't hang out with Steve. He's trouble," try, "Feel free to see Steve when I know there is adult supervision." For a free list of response examples, visit this page.

Tip #3: Hold them accountable with empathy and logical consequences.

Parents who provide consequences with anger create teens who think, "When I make poor decisions, it makes others really mad. I better not get caught." Parents who replace anger with a genuine dose of empathy or sadness raise teens who know, "When I make poor decisions it makes my life really sad. For my sake, I'd better make wise ones!"

Tip #4: When you are too angry or worried to think - delay the consequence.

If your teen does something that throws you off balance, buy some time by saying, "I'm going to have to do something about this. But not now… later… try not to worry." Take some time to calm down and get some ideas from friends.

Every day, parents around the world are finding their lives made easier with these tips. One parent commented, "I came home from work to find my 16-year-old daughter and six of her friends had scattered pizza, chips, and dip all over my new carpet! I was furious. Luckily I remembered the advice from Love and Logic and how to delay consequences. All I managed to say was, 'I'd better calm down first. We'll talk later. Try not to worry.' By the next day, she already had a good plan for selling enough of her things to hire some carpet cleaners!"

Give Love and Logic a try and find out why so many parents say it has changed their lives. Get started right away!


©2002 Dr. Charles Fay
Teenagers and Spring Fever - Raising the Odds for Responsible Behavior written by Dr. Charles Fay. Dr. Charles Fay is a parent, author, and consultant to schools, parent groups, mental health professionals around the world and President of the Love and Logic Institute in Golden, CO.


Love & Logic Parenting Classes help you with the most important job there is! You can learn practical tools & techniques for effective discipline, better communication, appropriate boundaries, healthy decision-making, & respectful adult-child relationships. Workshops are available at New Day Counseling in Troy. For more information or to register online go to: Love and Logic Parenting Classes or call 248-649-8050.




New Day Family Counseling provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage therapy, children counseling, teen counseling, divorce counseling, porn addiction, substance abuse counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.





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Parenting Tips: One-Liners

Kids seem to have a repertoire of "hooks" they use to get their parents to argue with them. Here are some Love and Logic One-Liners that will get parents off the hook and cause children to do more of the thinking.

Remember: The "one-liners" are only effective when said with genuine compassion and understanding. These are never intended to be flippant remarks that discount the feelings of the child. If an adult uses these responses to try to get the better of a child, the problem will only become worse. The adult's own attitude at these times is crucial to success.


•"Probably so."

•"I know."

•"Nice try."

•"I bet it feels that way."

•"What do you think you're going to do."

•"I don't know. What do you think?"

•"Bummer. How sad."

•"Thanks for sharing that."

•"Don't worry about it now."

•"That's an option."

•"I bet that's true."

•"Maybe you'll like what we have for the next meal better."

•"What do you think I think about that?"

•"I'm not sure how to react to that. I'll have to get back to you on it."

•"I'll let you know what will work for me."

•"I'll love you wherever you live."


©1999 Jim Fay
One-Lines written by Jim Fay, Love and Logic Institute


Love & Logic Parenting Classes help you with the most important job there is!  You can learn practical tools & techniques for effective discipline, better communication, appropriate boundaries, healthy decision-making, & respectful adult-child relationships.  Workshops are available at New Day Counseling in Troy.  For more information or to register online go to:   Love and Logic Parenting Classes or call 248-649-8050.






New Day Family Counseling provides professional counseling services for the entire family.  We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples.  We also offer groups for anger counseling.  Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050.  We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you. 


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5 Parenting Tips for Communicating with Children & Teens

There is nothing that adequately prepares us for the most important job there is—parenting. Children and teens do not come with an owner’s manual, and most of our training is on the job. With our own parents as our most prominent role models, we tend to repeat what we have learned about parenting from them. We do our best, learn as we go, and make our own mistakes along the way; but we don’t have to leave our parenting to chance. We can become more effective parents. We can parent with more confidence instead of frustration. Parenting can be enjoyable and rewarding instead of stressful.


Following are some parenting tips for improving communication and building healthy and respectful relationships with our children and teens.

(1) Show interest in your kids

One of the best ways to get anyone to talk is to show interest in them and what is important to them. Sports, music, or any other activity provides great ways to connect and share. Become engaged in whatever it is your child or teen enjoys. It can be anything--watching a football game together, listening to songs and talking about favorite artists, joining a video game, watching your child draw or build model cars, or helping your daughter with her hair and nails.

(2) Initiate conversations

Often parents begin conversations with a question instead of simply sharing their thoughts. Kids are more likely to engage in conversations when they do not feel they have to explain or defend themselves. Letting them know you are thinking about them and that you care about what is happening in their lives are good ways to initiate conversations. Timing is important as well. Good times to talk might be bedtime, while driving, or at dinner.

(3) Make yourself available

Sometimes parents get so busy and don’t realize that their children feel there is no time left for them. They do not express this directly saying, “You know, I’ve been feeling neglected lately. It seems you’re so busy with everything and everyone else and don’t make time for me. And when you are with me, you seem preoccupied and distracted.” They might, instead, distance themselves or act out for some negative attention. Making time for kids can be a sacrifice, especially for very busy parents, but the investment is well worth it. Developing a good relationship with one’s children requires time—both quality time and quantity of time. Planning weekly one-on-one time with no distractions is a good idea. Kids want to know that they are important and valued. Making yourself available to them communicates this loud and clear.

(4) Be a good listener

You know you have heard someone correctly when they feel understood. One way to do this is to repeat what you think you heard back to them. They will clarify what they meant if they think you are genuinely interested and trying to understand them. Kids also need to feel safe when sharing their thoughts, with no fear of judgment, being cut off, or causing an angry reaction. It is important to resist arguments and criticism. When there are disagreements, parents can express that it is okay to disagree. Although their thoughts and feelings differ, they are not rejecting their child. Parents and their children will encounter many differences in opinion. However, being a good listener lets your children know that you understand where they are coming from without lecturing or threatening.

(5) Use words to motivate

If you see your children and teens as winners, beautiful, and full of potential, they will know it and act on it. It will show in how you treat them and what you say. As a result, they will believe in themselves as well. Your words have power. The words of a parent can motivate and empower for a lifetime. They can also discouraged and break a child’s spirit if they are negative and critical. We can all recall things our parents have said about us that we have carried with us throughout our lives, such as: I believe in you. You can do anything you set your mind to. You are so smart and creative. Or, you will never amount to anything. You do not have what it takes. You are the ugly one of the family. Let us choose our words carefully. Speaking good things over them, blessing them with our words motivates them to fulfill their purpose in life.

It is not easy parenting children and teens and knowing what to say or how to bring out the best in them. Feeling connected and getting along with our kids takes time and effort. The goods news is that parents and teens can have healthy connections that are founded upon trust and unconditional love. The parenting tips provided above are a good start to better communication and a more rewarding parenting experience. For more tips or help with problems, parents may benefit from parenting classes or family counseling.



Copyright 2010 All Rights Reserved. Written by Krystal Kuehn. New Day Counseling


Children need love, especially when they don’t deserve it. ~anonymous


Love is the greatest gift that one generation can leave to another. ~Richard Garnett


Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher & musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a family marriage counseling and child therapy center, and BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and inspirational site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights & words of inspiration.


Love and Logic Parenting Classes help you with the most important job there is! You can learn practical tools & techniques for effective discipline, better communication, appropriate boundaries, healthy decision-making, & respectful adult-child relationships. Parenting Workshops are available at New Day Counseling in Troy. For more information or to register online go to: Love and Logic Parenting Classes or call 248-649-8050.



New Day Family Counseling provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.



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