Tuesday, December 28, 2010

A New Year, A New You - How to Make This Year Your Best Year Yet!

Did you make any New Year's Resolutions?

Most of us like to start the new year with hopes and plans for a good year. The past is behind us and we carry over the blessings, memories, and lessons it has taught us. But today is a new day, a new year, and we can start fresh. We can have new beginnings and set new goals.

What would you like to be different this coming year? Maybe you want to get in better shape, lose some weight, get out of debt, break bad habits and begin healthy ones, heal and restore a marriage, build new relationships, improve some skills, donate your time and/or finances, contribute to the community, make a positive difference in other's lives, and the list goes on.

Research shows that most New Year's resolutions are not kept for very long. We have good intentions and maybe start out with determination and confidence, but soon after our enthusiasm dies out. Oftentimes our resolutions are more challenging than we had expected. Maybe this year we can approach the new year with just one goal that will help us to meet all the others: to live a more positive and grateful life. A postiive and grateful life helps us to stay strong in our faith, persist, dream, set goals, love others and treat them with kindness and respect. Real fulfillment and joy can be ours this year as we commit to being our best.

Make this the best year yet by being the best you can be. It starts with you - your thinking, your attitude, your love walk, you faith, your perpective, your commitment, your persistence, your choices. We don't know what this new year will bring, but we can resolve to make the best of this year as we make the best of ourselves.

God bless you and may this year be your best ever!

Krystal & Violet


We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day. ~Edith Lovejoy Pierce




The Old Year has gone. Let the dead past bury its own dead. The New Year has taken possession of the clock of time. All hail the duties and possibilities of the coming twelve months! ~Edward Payson Powell


I think in terms of the day's resolutions, not the year's. ~Henry Moore


Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right. ~Oprah Winfrey



 
Copyright © 2008 Krystal Kuehn, New Day Family Couples Counseling. All Rights Reserved


Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher & musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a family marriage counseling, child teenage counseling center, BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and inspirational site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights & words of inspiration to change your life, and Baby-Poems.com where you can find beautiful baby poems, baby quotes, cute sayings & baby videos that will touch your heart & increase your joy & gratitude for the children you love & enjoy! Krystal is also author of several other blogs: Give Thanks Journal, Baby Poems & Words of Inspiration blog and The 10 Keys to Happy and Loving Relationships (kindle version from amazon, also available in pdf format).





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Thursday, December 23, 2010

Happy Holidays! Merry Christmas!


Season's Greetings to you beautiful people!
We wish you a very happy holiday season & very Merry Christmas.  May you be blessed with health in body and mind and filled with love and peace that cannot be shaken. And may you always remember that you are loved and never alone. It's a New Day to believe, to hope, to give thanks, to celebrate and to enjoy! 


I am not alone at all, I thought. I was never alone at all. And that, of course, is the message of Christmas. We are never alone. Not when the night is darkest, the wind coldest, the world seemingly most indifferent, for this is still the time God chooses. ~Taylor Caldwell

Christmas is most truly Christmas when we celebrate it by giving the light of love to those who need it most. ~Ruth Carter Stapleton

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Attitude & Perspective - A Day in the Life of an Optimist & a Pessimist

There is little difference in people, but that difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative. ~W.Clement Stone

We might describe ourselves as an optimist, a pessimist, or somewhere in-between. But regardless who is right or wrong about a matter, it is the optimist that always tends to be the one who is more hopeful and happy. Join me as we experience a typical day in the life of an optimist and a pessimist. The following story is about perspective & how the same situation can be experienced so differently:

Early Saturday morning the optimist awakens with anticipation and gratitude for the new day. He looks forward to getting together with his friend for a stroll in the park. The pessimist awakens to another day expecting more of the same—the same problems, frustrations, and negativity. When they greet each other at the park, the optimist comments on what a beautiful, sunny day it is. The pessimist says, “You never know how long it will last. It could get cloudy and rain as far as we know.”

Along their way, the Optimist notices a group of teenagers playing ball and blaring a radio near by them. The Optimist says, “It’s so nice to see young people having so much fun together—playing sports and getting exercise.” “You can’t be serious,” retorts the Pessimist. “Teens are troublemakers. Listen to that horrible music. They’re all angry and rebellious. And, on top of that, they get so aggressive in sports, I’m surprised there are not more injuries.”

Next, they walk to the bridge and see a sign stating that the bridge is temporarily closed due to construction. The Optimist suggests, “Let’s go around another way. It’ll be just as nice and we can enjoy the scenery along the other side of the park. The Pessimist angrily replies, “Taxpayer dollars are being wasted again. The bridge was just fine. Now we have to take the long way around because of their incompetence.”

On the other side of the Park, the Optimist notices a couple playfully hugging and kissing. “That is so beautiful! It looks like they’re in love.” “Yeah, right,” exclaims the Pessimist. “They’re just putting on a show. If they want to be all affectionate and loving, they shouldn’t be in a public place.”

The stroll in the park continued along in the same predictable manner. And later that evening, when both the Optimist and Pessimist were asked by friends how their day went, The Optimist shared, “It was a great day. The park was filled with people having fun, and there was so much to see and enjoy.” The Pessimist described his day saying, “There is nothing good about this town. Annoying people are everywhere. The bridge was even down, and there really wasn’t much to like about it.”

Wow, What a difference in perspective! Is there any wonder why the Pessimist remains negative and oftentimes is unhappy? First, he doesn’t expect the nice weather to last. He is actually expressing the attitude that some people have—that nothing good ever lasts for very long, so don’t expect it and you won’t be disappointed. Then, he generalizes that all teens are angry and rebellious. When the bridge is closed, instead of making the best of the situation, he complains and blames others. And later, he gets annoyed by displays of love and affection.

The Optimist, on the other hand, focuses on the good things—and spends his day appreciating and enjoying it. When obstacles arise, he copes in a healthy manner and doesn’t let it ruin his day or attitude.

Now, who would you rather be around? Or, I should ask, what perspective would you rather have? Most of us would like to be more like the Optimist. The Optimist has inner joy and peace. The Optimist is loving towards others. And, the Optimist has inner strength to cope with life’s challenges.

I’d like to encourage you that with practice, we can ALL become more optimistic in our outlook.

I hope you have a great week & see all the good in it!       Krystal



Pessimism leads to weakness, optimism to power. ~William James

Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society. The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute. ~Gil Stern

A pessimist sees only the dark side of the clouds, and mopes; a philosopher sees both sides, and shrugs; an optimist doesn't see the clouds at all - he's walking on them. ~Leonard Louis Levinson

Being an optimist after you've got everything you want doesn't count. ~Kin Hubbard


In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip. ~Daniel L. Reardon




Copyright © 2008 BeHappy4Life.com, All Rights Reserved.
written by Krystal Kuehn, New Day Counseling - Family Couples Counseling Center



This article is a transcript from the Perspective: It's All the Way You Look at It - audio podcast .
To learn more about developing a positive attitude, go to behappy4life.com.

 
Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher & musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a family marriage counseling, child teenage counseling center, BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and inspirational site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights & words of inspiration to change your life, and Baby-Poems.com where you can find beautiful baby poems, baby quotes, cute sayings & baby videos that will touch your heart & increase your joy & gratitude for the children you love & enjoy! Krystal is also author of several other blogs: Give Thanks Journal, Baby Poems & Words of Inspiration blog and The 10 Keys to Happy and Loving Relationships (kindle version from amazon, also available in pdf format).




<< Back to Be Your Best Home

Monday, November 8, 2010

The 7 Criteria of Emotional Maturity

What does it mean to be mature? According to Merriam-Webster, mature is defined as having completed natural growth and development. That is, being fully grown, complete, ready.

I do not believe that we arrive at a state of complete emotional maturity with no further need for growth and development. Rather, emotional maturity is a life-long process. We continually grow in our experience of love, acceptance, stability, adaption, and so forth.

Following is the list (underlined) of Criteria of Emotional Maturity by William C. Menninger, psychiatrist and co-founder of the Menninger Clinic along with some of my thoughts and comments. As we grow and develop in the following areas, we become more emotionally mature with greater mental and emotional stability, healthier relationships, and improved lives.

1. The ability to deal constructively with reality

To deal with reality in a constructive manner, we must face truth, the facts, rather than deny them. Running from problems or hoping they do not exist does not make them go away. Regardless of how unpleasant they may be at times, facing the facts is the first step to dealing with any situation. When people have difficulty facing reality, they resort to all sorts of unhealthy ways to deal with the unpleasant feelings and pain. They try to soothe themselves with alcohol, drugs, or any other way that temporarily masks their reality and pain. There are healthy and constructive ways to cope that lead to greater emotional maturity and growth. It may not be the easiest path to take, but it leads to healing, lasting comfort and hope.

Set up as an ideal the facing of reality as honestly and as cheerfully as possible. ~Karl Menninger

 2. The capacity to adapt to change

Change is not always easy. It can turn our world upside down at times and cause a great deal of stress. Whether the change is minor, like having to change our plans for the day, or more significant, such as moving to a new home, changing jobs, getting married or divorced, adapting to change is to make necessary adjustments. Sometimes the most important adjustment is in our attitude. Change can annoy us as it disrupts our routine and expectations, but we can choose to accept it and allow ourselves time to get comfortable with change.

3. A relative freedom from symptoms that are produced by tensions and anxieties

The symptoms produced from tensions and anxieties can include physical distress (headaches, stomach problems, rapid heart rate) and emotional distress (worry, restlessness, panic). Anxiety is a major mental health problem affecting millions of people every day. It negatively affects all levels of people's lives--their mental and physical health, relationships, work. To live free of its destructive symptoms and consequences is to cope with life stress in a healthy manner, learn to relax, release worries, and develop inner peace.

4. The capacity to find more satisfaction in giving than receiving

People who give of themselves--their time, attention, help, finances, or what they are able-- are generally more fulfilled and happy than those who do not. People who are primarily takers are more likely to use others for their own personal gain and are often considered selfish, stingy, and/or greedy. Like the old scrooge, they end up miserable. Givers, on the other hand, want to contribute and make a positive difference in this world. It is healthy to give cheerfully and willingly as it contributes to our sense of purpose and helps us connect with others and our society.

5. The capacity to relate to other people in a consistent manner with mutual satisfaction and helpfulness

Like I always say, life is all about relationships. We relate to others every single day--whether it is a relative, co-worker, neighbor, or stranger, our lives are intertwined with others. Love and respect are two key factors to relating successfully to others. Unlike dysfunctional relationships, healthy relationships are stable and provide deep satisfaction and joy. For more on healthy relationships, go to: The 10 Keys to Happy and Loving Relationships.

6. The capacity to sublimate, to direct one’s instinctive hostile energy into creative and constructive outlets

If we were to release all our frustrations and anger on the world, we would have a hostile existence. Instead, we can take that energy and direct it into something good and productive. It has long been said that sports is a great outlet of extra energy. Anything that is positive, constructive and creative can redirect our energies and put them to good use. A basketball player once told me that the court is where all his angry energy was released. He redirected his hostile energy in an acceptable way within specific guidelines and limits. It gave him a constructive outlet and helped him to really enjoy what he was doing without hurting others and/or himself.

7. The capacity to love

Love is the greatest power in the world. As humans, we are born with the capacity to love. The greatest differences between us are how we communicate our love. To learn much more about the power and capacity to love, I highly recommend The 10 Keys to Happy & Loving Relationships.


Love cures people - both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it.  ~Karl Menninger

One does not fall in love; one grows into love, and love grows in him ~Karl Menninger


Self-love is not opposed to the love of other people. You cannot really love yourself and do yourself a favor without doing people a favor, and vise versa.  ~Karl Menninger
Experience is not what happens to you, it's how you interpret what happens to you. ~Aldous Huxley


Maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had, and what you've learned from them, and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated. ~unknown



In the last decade or so, science has discovered a tremendous amount about the role emotions play in our lives. Researchers have found that even more than IQ, your emotional awareness and abilities to handle feelings will determine your success and happiness in all walks of life, including family relationships. ~John Gottman (from Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child)


Let's not forget that the little emotions are the great captains of our lives and we obey them without realizing it.  ~Vincent Van Gogh






Copyright © 2010 Krystal Kuehn, New Day Counseling. All Rights Reserved.
Criteria of Emotional Maturity by William C. Menninger, MD (1899-1966), Co-founder of The Menninger Clinic,  Copyright © 1966 The Menninger Clinic


Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher & musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a family couples counseling, children therapy and teen counseling center, BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and inspirational site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights & words of inspiration to change your life, and Baby-Poems.com where you can find beautiful baby poems, baby quotes, cute sayings & baby videos that will touch your heart & increase your joy & gratitude for the children you love & enjoy! Check out Krystal's other blogs: Give Thanks Journal, Baby Poems blog and Words of Inspiration blog!



<< Back to Be Your Best New Day Counseling Center home

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Being True to Ourselves & Others

Can love be real without sincerity? Most would agree that sincerity is what makes love what it is. Genuine love is true. And it is true love that we all want. We want to know we are sincerely loved for who we are. We want to know that it is with sincere motives that those who love us say and do the things they say and do for us. We want to know a love that enables us to trust without fear of being unloved and rejected. We want a love that remains loyal and faithful to us no matter what happens. We want to be loved sincerely. And that is how others want to be loved by us as well.

Sincerity is most evident when we are honest and truthful with others. It requires us to be our true selves rather than manipulate others into believing we are someone we’re really not. No one likes to be lied to or deceived. Lies and deception destroy trust. Betrayal of trust is probably the worst relationship pain we can experience. Without trust, relationships do not have a strong and solid foundation upon which to be built. Without trust we may question and doubt that we are truly loved. It is only when there is trust that we feel safe enough to open up our hearts to others and grow more sincere in our love.

Sincerity communicates love. When we are sincere we:

* Can be counted on to be honest and trustworthy
* Remain faithful and keep our word—making only promises that we can keep
* Are dependable and consistent in our words and actions
* Mean what we say and do not mislead with lies
* Are motivated by love that is genuine
* Can be our real selves and not be phony
* Will not deceive others for our own selfish means
* Do not flatter others to get our way
* Do not take advantage of others’ ignorance or innocence
* Have integrity and exemplify good morals

Love that is sincere is the real thing. It remains faithful in the face of betrayal. It is trustworthy regardless of others’ dishonesty. Its motives are pure and not corrupted by self-centeredness. Sincerity is a profession of love that is true.


REFLECTION:

What does it mean to be loved sincerely or genuinely?

Do I believe I am sincerely loved? By whom? How do I know?

Can love be true without honesty? Why or why not?

What motivates me most to say and do the things I say and do for others?

In what ways am I not my true self and give a false impression of who I am?

Can others trust me to mean what I say when I compliment them or share my thoughts and feelings?

Think about people you would describe as sincere. Does their sincerity enable you to trust them more? Why or why not?


EMPOWERING THOUGHTS & AFFIRMATIONS:

A relationship built on anything but trust and sincerity is like a house built on shifting sand.

I can be true to myself and others.

I choose to keep my promises or not make them if I cannot keep them.

I choose to be real because people who really like me will like me for who I am.

I choose to faithful and not compromise my values.

I choose to be honest in my compliments and avoid flattery and insincerity.


Character is much easier kept than recovered. ~Thomas Paine

It's impossible to be who you're not, so why not just be who you are? ~unknown

This above all: to thine own self be true. ~Shakespeare, Hamlet

Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else. ~Judy Garland


It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are. ~e.e. cummings


The most exhausting thing in life is being insincere. ~Anne Morrow Lindbergh


Only the person who has faith in himself is able to be faithful to others.  ~Erich Fromm

 


Click here for Free Printable Worksheet.


Taken from The 10 Keys to Happy & Loving Relationships Part 11 (Love is Sincere) by Krystal Kuehn, BeHappy4Life.com



Copyright © 2006, 2010 Krystal Kuehn. All Rights Reserved.


Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher & musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a family couples counseling, children counseling and teen counseling center, BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and inspirational site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights & words of inspiration to change your life, and Baby-Poems.com where you can find beautiful baby poems, baby quotes, cute sayings & baby videos that will touch your heart & increase your joy & gratitude for the children you love & enjoy! Check out Krystal's other blogs: Give Thanks Journal, Baby Poems blog and Words of Inspiration blog!


<< Back to Be Your Best New Day Counseling Center home

Friday, October 15, 2010

How the Power to Forgive Frees Us to Love

One of the greatest challenges in loving others is to forgive them when they have wronged us and caused us pain. Every time we are wronged, we have to choose how we are going to deal with the hurt. Ultimately, we have to decide if we will forgive the person or persons who have wronged us, or if we will hold on to the hurt. If we hold on to the hurt, it will keep us from loving them. It will keep us angry and upset.  We will not be open the release the hurt.  Instead, it will continue to fester and grow. Unresolved hurts that are not forgiven continue to cause pain. We don’t want the one who wronged us to get away with it. We want them to be punished and our anger toward them is oftentimes the only way we know how to make what is wrong seem right or fair. The problem is, it rarely makes things better. It only deepens our hurt and frustration and eventually turns to bitterness.

Forgiveness sets us free to love again. When we decide to forgive, we let go of the attitude that “You owe me.” Our anger fades. Bitterness doesn’t have the opportunity to take root. We do not use what happened against anyone. Resentment gives way to acceptance of another’s flaws. We no longer feel a need to retaliate.

When we forgive, we do not always have to understand why we were wronged. Nor do we have to wait for an apology in order to forgive. Forgiveness does not justify or make the other person right. What it does is make us free. Forgiveness frees us to say, “I will not use this against you or keep a record of how you have wronged me. I will release you of any punishment I think is due. I will no longer hold on to anger and resentment toward you. I will release it from my heart. I will make allowances for your flaws and give you grace. I will forgive you unconditionally.”

Forgiveness is one of the most powerful demonstrations of genuine love. It has the power to mend broken hearts and set captives free. It has the power to bring healing and restoration to relationships. It is the ultimate expression of grace. It is something we grant others even when they do not deserve it, knowing that we ourselves have been recipients of forgiveness countless times. As long as we are imperfect, we will be in need of forgiveness.

REFLECTION:

Why is forgiveness important to our life and relationships?

What do I do with the hurt when someone wrongs me? Do I retaliate? Nurse the hurt? Release it? Work through it?

How often do I bring up past issues that were never resolved?

What makes forgiving someone who wronged me most difficult?

Did I ever want to be forgiven for something I said or did, and I wasn’t forgiven? How did it affect me?

Do I expect others to forgive me when I hurt them? Why or why not?


EMPOWERING THOUGHTS & AFFIRMATIONS

Unforgiveness keeps us imprisoned in pain and hurt.

I can give up resentment and be free.

I choose to release the hurt I have been holding on to.

I choose to forgive myself for making poor choices and hurting others.

I choose to accept myself and others, knowing that we all have flaws, make poor decisions sometimes and hurt one another.

We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies. ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.  ~Lewis B. Smedes

Forgiveness is the sweetest revenge. ~Isaac Friedmann

Forgive all who have offended you, not for them, but for yourself. ~Harriet Nelson

Forgiving is love's toughest work, and love's biggest risk. If you twist it into something it was never meant to be, it can make you a doormat or an insufferable manipulator. Forgiving seems almost unnatural. Our sense of fairness tells us people should pay for the wrong they do. But forgiving is love's power to break nature's rule. ~Lewis B. Smedes

Love cures. It cures those who have it and it cures those who receive it. ~Karl Menninger


Click here for Free Printable Worksheet.

Taken from The 10 Keys to Happy & Loving Relationships Part 10 (Love is Forgiving) by Krystal Kuehn, BeHappy4Life.com

Copyright © 2006, 2010 Krystal Kuehn. All Rights Reserved.


Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher & musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a family couples counseling, child counseling and teen counseling center, BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and inspirational site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights & words of inspiration to change your life, and Baby-Poems.com where you can find beautiful baby poems, baby quotes, cute sayings & baby videos that will touch your heart & increase your joy & gratitude for the children you love & enjoy! Check out Krystal's other blogs: Give Thanks Journal, Baby Poems blog and Words of Inspiration blog!


<< Back to Be Your Best New Day Counseling Center home

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Anger - A Powerful Force We Can Direct & Control

All sorts of things can trigger irritability in people, from minor traffic jams to major headaches. Everyone gets upset or annoyed sometimes. We all have lost our temper and reacted without thinking. We have succumbed to anger that drives us to say and do things we normally wouldn’t. And it is when we lose control over our thoughts and feelings, that our irritability and anger can do some major damage to our relationships and lives.

For the most part, irritability is likely to occur when we feel under pressure. Therefore, one of the best tests for measuring our irritability is to observe how we behave when having to manage stressful circumstances or people. If we can remain graceful toward others when under pressure, then we are probably exercising self-control. Our temper is well-managed and good. We are not allowing agitation to anger us or disrupt our relationships. If, on the other hand, pressure and stress bring out the worst in us, then we probably need to work on our self-control and temper.

When irritable, we are very likely to become easily angered at others, sometimes at the slightest provocation. We might even become hostile and behave in ways we will later regret. Gaining control over our thoughts, feelings, and actions when irritated and angry is the best way to keep from acting out in unloving ways.

Self-control communicates love. It can be seen whenever we:

* Take responsibility for our reactions
* Do not accuse or blame others for the way we feel
* Treat others graciously although they irritate us
* Keep from saying something hurtful and unnecessary
* Do not take our anger out on those around us
* Think things through before we react
* Allow ourselves a time-out to gather ourselves together
* Do not expect more from others than we should

The disposition of love is self-control and a good temper. Having self-control and a good temper is easier said than done, especially for those individuals who are more prone to irritability for various reasons. Even so, we can all learn to gain greater control over our tempers and how we react under pressure. Irritations will never cease, nor does our love need to when they come.


REFLECTION:


What makes me most irritable?

What do I do when I am under more pressure than I feel I can handle?

How do I treat others when I am irritated?

Do I have to have the last word? Explain.

On a scale of 0 to 10 with 10 being severe and 0 being nonexistent, how would I rate my temper?

How would those closest to me rate my temper?

Review the list of how self-control communicates love. Which one(s) do I do often? Which one(s) do I need more work on?


EMPOWERING THOUGHTS & AFFIRMATIONS


We may not be able to control stressors and pressures in our lives, but how we respond to them is up to us. 

I can accept responsibility for my temper and exercise self-control.

When anger arises, think of the consequences. ~Confucious

An angry man opens his mouth and shuts his eyes. ~Cato

It is wise to direct your anger towards problems -- not people; to focus your energies on answers -- not excuses. ~William Arthur Ward

Take note! Every sixty seconds you spend angry, upset, or mad, is a full minute of happiness you'll never get back. ~unknown

Anger is a great force. If you control it, it can be transmuted into a power which can move the whole world. ~William Shenstone

When you are offended at any man's fault, turn to yourself and study your own failings. Then you will forget your anger. ~Epictetus



Click here for: Free Printable Worksheet

Taken from The 10 Keys to Happy & Loving Relationships Part 9 (Love is Not Easily Angered) by Krystal Kuehn, BeHappy4Life.com


Copyright © 2006, 2010 Krystal Kuehn. All Rights Reserved.

Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher & musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a family couples counselingchild counseling and teen counseling center, BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and inspirational site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights & words of inspiration to change your life, and Baby-Poems.com where you can find beautiful baby poems, baby quotes, cute sayings & baby videos that will touch your heart & increase your joy & gratitude for the children you love & enjoy! Check out Krystal's other blogs: Give Thanks Journal, Baby Poems blog and Words of Inspiration blog!


<< Back to Be Your Best New Day Counseling Center home

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Self-Centered & Demanding - When It's All About "Me"


To be demanding isn’t all bad, but there are many ways in which it can be unloving. It is one thing to be persistent in asking or requiring something, but excessively demanding one’s own way regardless of others’ rights or how they are treated indicates self-centeredness. Overly demanding people are not concerned with what others want because they are mostly concerned with themselves. And they can be very insensitive and uncaring when it comes to getting what they want. Demanding people are often forceful in trying to get their way. They might use manipulation, threats, or any other means to get what they want.

There is a controlling aspect in being overly demanding that actually leads to a lack of control. So the less control a demanding person feels in a situation or over someone, the more demanding they may become. Most people do not like to feel controlled or dominated. There is an old saying, “If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it never was.” Love requires that we give people freedom to be themselves, without any restrictions imposed upon them to meet our demands in our way.

Demanding people feel entitled to what they believe are their rights. They have certain expectations of people, and they disregard their boundaries if they are in their way. They have a difficult time taking “no” for an answer because the goal is to get what they want. As you can imagine, most people are not comfortable being around a person who is overly demanding. Their selfishness communicates a total disregard for the needs and desires of others. It is the opposite of love which is selfless and giving.

To be truly selfless is to enjoy giving others first place. Rather than demanding our own way, we can demonstrate love for others by considering their needs important and putting them above your own if possible. To be selfless is to put ours wants and desires aside sometimes and help others get ahead. It is to find true contentment and joy in considering what is in the best interest of someone else other than just ourselves. It is to seek their good. Selflessness also doesn’t impose its own expectations and desires on someone else. It allows people the freedom to make their own choices. Selflessness respects others’ decisions and loves them regardless of whether or not we agree. When selfless, we treat people properly and respect their boundaries. Selflessness is the essence of love. We cannot have love without selflessness.

REFLECTION

What comes to mind when you think of someone who is overly demanding?

What do you do to get your way?

Has anyone ever described you as controlling or bossy? Explain.

Do you respect others’ boundaries? Explain.

How do you react when someone crosses your boundaries?

What does it mean to be “selfless”?

In what ways are you selfless?


EMPOWERING THOUGHTS & AFFIRMATIONS

The need to have our own way leads us to disregard the needs of others.

I can be open-minded and respectful of the needs of others.

I choose to be selfless and think of others' needs before my own today.

Love is selfless, yet it invigorates the self.  ~Sue Atchley Ebaugh

Only those who have learned the power of sincere and selfless contribution experience life's deepest joy: true fulfillment. ~Anthony Robbins

Real love is when you become selfless and you are more concerned about your mate's or children's egos than your own. You're now a giver instead of a taker. ~Sylvester Stallone


Taken from The 10 Keys to Happy & Loving Relationships Part 8 (Love is Not Demanding) by Krystal Kuehn, BeHappy4Life.com


Copyright © 2006, 2010 Krystal Kuehn. All Rights Reserved. New Day Counseling Center


 
CLICK HERE for: Free Printable Worksheet


Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher & musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a family couples counseling and child teen counseling center, BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and inspirational site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights & words of inspiration to change your life, and Baby-Poems.com where you can find beautiful baby poems, baby quotes, cute sayings & baby videos that will touch your heart & increase your joy & gratitude for the children you love & enjoy! Check out Krystal's other blogs: Give Thanks Journal, Baby Poems blog and Words of Inspiration blog!


<< Back to Be Your Best New Day Counseling Center home

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Discover True Self-Confidence & Strength in Humility

A humble person is certainly a pleasant person to be around and that is because humble people are not self-centered or self-seeking. They are modest and not at all arrogant or boastful. They do not draw attention to themselves, but they are drawn to others. They do not need praise and approval to feel good about themselves. When they are overlooked, they are not driven by frustration to make themselves known. When their good intentions are ridiculed, they are able to keep from retaliating. They can humbly submit to one of less stature than themselves, if necessary, without rebellion or resentment.


Humility is love unseen.  It is love that is veiled and not directly recognized, yet humility is motivated by love.  A person who is genuinely humble doesn’t think they are better or more important than other people.  They have proper respect for everyone regardless of who they are or what they have done.  That doesn’t mean that they allow others to take advantage of them.  Nor does it mean that they lack confidence and fear asserting themselves.  Sometimes people confuse humility with weakness and blind compliance, or even assume that someone who degrades themselves is a humble person.  This is certainly not the case.  It takes great strength to live a life of humility. 

Humility communicates love.  Humble people are:

* Ready to admit when they are wrong
* Willing to say they are sorry
* Not afraid to ask for help when they need it
* Patient when misunderstood
* Not fearful of what others think about them
* Confident in who they are and don’t feel a need to prove themselves
* Teachable and willing to learn from their mistakes
* Not judgmental of others or backbiters
* Not easily offended



Most people find it difficult to humble themselves or even admit when they have been humbled. It can be extremely uncomfortable and it hurts our pride. It is so much easier to defend ourselves and blame others, and to exalt and try to prove ourselves. Humility is certainly a challenge to most people. It can be a real stumbling block in our love walk, or it can become a stepping stone to greater love if we will allow it to be.


REFLECTION:

Do I have pre-conceived notions of humility that are inaccurate (such as humility is weakness)?

What does it really mean to be humble?

Do I know anyone who communicates their love through humility? Give examples.

What do I find most challenging in expressing love through humility?

What attributes of humility do I most admire? Why?

Do I want to be a more humble person? What areas of my life need the most work?


EMPOWERING THOUGHTS & AFFIRMATIONS

Nobody likes to be wrong because it forces us to face our inadequacies.

I can admit my mistakes and learn from them.


Love measures our stature: the more we love, the bigger we are. There is no smaller package in all the world than that of a man all wrapped up in himself. ~William Sloane Coffin Jr.


True humility is intelligent self respect which keeps us from thinking too highly or too meanly of ourselves. It makes us modest by reminding us how far we have come short of what we can be. ~Ralph W. Sockman


Pride leads to disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. ~Proverbs 11:2

 
CLICK HERE for: Free Printable Worksheet



Taken from The 10 Keys to Happy & Loving Relationships Part 7 (Love is Humble) by Krystal Kuehn, BeHappy4Life.com

Copyright © 2006, 2010 Krystal Kuehn. All Rights Reserved. New Day Counseling Center


Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher & musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a family couples counseling and child teen counseling center, BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and inspirational site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights & words of inspiration to change your life, and Baby-Poems.com where you can find beautiful baby poems, baby quotes, cute sayings & baby videos that will touch your heart & increase your joy & gratitude for the children you love & enjoy! Check out Krystal's other blogs: Give Thanks Journal, Baby Poems blog and Words of Inspiration blog!



<< Back to Be Your Best New Day Counseling Center home

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Envy & Jealousy - How They Rob Our Security & Contentment

Although similar in many ways, jealousy and envy are not the same. Deep insecurities often lie at the root of jealousy. When someone is jealous they are afraid of losing something. They try to guard and protect what they fear losing. In doing so, they may become very possessive, competitive, and resentful. For example, they might be jealous of someone they fear can steal their boyfriend’s heart away from them, someone who got the promotion they worked hard for, or the person who got the praise and adoration they felt they deserved.


Jealousy can be fear of losing any of the following:

* self-respect and respect of others

* love and affection

* a cherished relationship

* position or promotion

* a desired opportunity

* a valued material possession

* attention and admiration

* confidence and self-worth

Envy also includes feelings of resentment, but it is rooted in discontent rather than fear. Feelings of dissatisfaction can cause a person to become envious of those who have what they believe they need to satisfy or fulfill them. So they desire the possessions or qualities of another. It could be their appearance, popularity, job, home, reputation, lifestyle, health, experience, and so forth. Just as with jealousy, the envy they experience can cause them to become angry and bitter.

Jealousy can turn into envy and envy can turn into jealousy. Both can be experienced together, and both are potentially destructive. They can ruin relationships and aspirations and make you miserable. They can keep you from trusting others and feeling secure about yourself. They can prevent you from being happy for someone when they get ahead or succeed. Jealousy and envy are common experiences known to all people. Even the most loving people are jealous or envious sometimes. But they do not have to rob you of love in your life. Security can replace the fear that fuels jealousy, and contentment can replace the discontent that stirs envy.


REFLECTION:

* What am I most afraid of losing? How have I tried to guard it?

* In what area(s) of my life do I feel dissatisfied?

* What types of qualities in others do I wish I had?

* Recall a time when jealousy or envy has caused you to resent someone. How did you resolve your feelings?

* How do I feel when others succeed and get ahead?

* How has jealousy and envy kept me from loving others?

* When do I feel most content with my life?

* When do I feel most secure in myself?

 
EMPOWERING THOUGHTS & AFFIRMATIONS:        

Comparing ourselves with others often causes us to feel superior or inferior to them.

I can appreciate individual differences and be thankful for what I have and who I am.

I choose to face my fears and insecurities and release them.

I choose to be thankful and content with my blessings.

I choose to be content with who I am as I continually aim to be my best.


The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves. ~William Penn

Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them. ~Jennifer James

Jealousy injures us with the dagger of self-doubt. ~Terri Guillemets

Envy is the art of counting the other fellow's blessings instead of your own. ~Harold Coffin

Envy is a symptom of lack of appreciation of our own uniqueness and self worth. Each of us has something to give that no one else has. ~Elizabeth O'Connor


CLICK HERE for: Free Printable Worksheet

 

Taken from The 10 Keys to Happy & Loving Relationships Part 6 (Love is Not Jealous or Envious) by Krystal Kuehn, BeHappy4Life.com

Copyright © 2006, 2010 Krystal Kuehn. All Rights Reserved. New Day Counseling Center


Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher & musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a family couples counseling and child teen counseling center, BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and inspirational site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights & words of inspiration to change your life, and Baby-Poems.com where you can find beautiful baby poems, baby quotes, cute sayings & baby videos that will touch your heart & increase your joy & gratitude for the children you love & enjoy! Check out Krystal's other blogs: Give Thanks Journal, Baby Poems blog and Words of Inspiration blog!



<< Back to Be Your Best New Day Counseling Center home

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

10 Simple Ways We Can Show Others They Matter

Everyone likes to be treated with respect. People like to feel that they are important and really matter to others. And if they truly are important and matter, then they expect to be treated accordingly. Everyone wants to know that someone cares enough to think about them and consider their needs and feelings. This can make a person feel truly valued, special, and important.

Consideration is demonstrated in the way we behave toward others. It is not only in what we say and do, but it is also in the way we say and do things. It is in our tone of voice, facial expressions, and gestures. We are considerate whenever we are courteous, thoughtful, respectful and polite in our manner and attitude.

We would not behave rudely or impolitely if we wanted to treat someone with consideration and respect. Rather, we would be mindful of how our behavior would affect them. To consider is to think about carefully. When we care enough about others’ feelings and interests, we are considerate of them. And it will show in how we treat them.

Consideration communicates love in many ways, such as when we…

1.  Put others’ needs before our own

2.  Are sensitive to others' feelings

3.  Are respectful of the thoughts, opinions and ideas of others

4.  Have kind and affectionate thoughts toward someone

5.  Validate others and let them know they are heard

6.  Use our words wisely and carefully

7.  Are polite and courteous without needing a reason to be

8.  Show proper respect for people even when we think they don’t deserve it

9.  Convey generosity that is heard in our voice and seen in our eyes

10. Express genuine thankfulness and appreciation for others in our words and actions


More than anything else, consideration takes some thought. It occurs when we think of others as worthy of our time and attention, and we choose to invest ourselves in them.

REFLECTION:

* To whom and in what situations am I most considerate? Inconsiderate?

* Do I believe all people should be respected? Do I think they need to earn respect? Explain.

* Do I consider others’ feelings and needs when making a decision that affects them? Why or why not?

* Would people describe me as polite and courteous? Why or why not?

* Who do I feel is thoughtful of me? How does that make me feel?


EMPOWERING THOUGHTS & AFFIRMATIONS:

We spend more time thinking about ourselves—what we want, how we feel, and what we think—than any other person.
I can choose to think of others rather than only myself.
I can choose to consider someone else's needs and desires.
I can choose to consider someone else's opinions and ideas.
I can choose to consider some else's feelings.
I can choose to be considerate in my words and actions.
 
 
The habit of being uniformly considerate toward others will bring increased happiness to you. ~Grenville Kleiser

Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you - not because they are nice, but because you are. ~Author Unknown

When you look for the good in others, you discover the best in yourself.
~Martin Walsh

Do you value people who won't benefit you or only those who might contribute in some way to your success? Great team players truly value others as people, and they know and relate to what others value.--John C. Maxwell

The more you love, the more you are given to love with.  ~Lucien Price



Copyright © 2006, 2010 Krystal Kuehn. All Rights Reserved. New Day Counseling Center

 
Taken from The 10 Keys to Happy & Loving Relationships Part 5 (Love is Considerate) by Krystal Kuehn, BeHappy4Life.com

 

CLICK HERE for: Free Printable Worksheet



Copyright © 2007, 2010 Krystal Kuehn. All Rights Reserved. New Day Counseling Center




Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher & musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a family couples counseling and child teen counseling center, BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and inspirational site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights & words of inspiration to change your life, and Baby-Poems.com where you can find beautiful baby poems, baby quotes, cute sayings & baby videos that will touch your heart & increase your joy & gratitude for the children you love & enjoy! Check out Krystal's other blogs: Give Thanks Journal, Baby Poems blog and Words of Inspiration blog!




<< Back to Be Your Best New Day Counseling Center home

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Breaking Down Barriers & Opening Hearts with Kindness

Saying we love is one thing but showing it is quite another. You may have heard, “If you love me, show me and I will know it by what you do and how you treat me.” Love calls for action. It demands evidence. One recognizable way of putting love into action is through kindness. Kindness is an active expression of love. It is demonstrated by doing something good. Kindness reaches out first. It takes the initiative in being considerate or helpful.

Giving is the hallmark of kindness. Kindness is…generosity in giving and sharing of oneself to benefit someone or something. It is freely and willingly devoting one’s time and attention to another. It is showing that you understand and want to listen and be supportive. There is something about kindness that makes a person feel good. Kindness arouses all kinds of pleasant emotions. It is tender-hearted and makes people feel loved and cared for. Its warmth comforts and envelops the soul.

Kindness communicates love. You experience it whenever…

Someone cares enough to help you.

Someone puts your needs above their own.

You are given favor without asking.

You are the recipient of a warm and friendly smile.

You are given someone’s undivided attention.

You feel understood and cared for.

Someone is sensitive and considerate of your feelings.

Without kindness people would be more concerned with what they can get rather than what they can give. They would think primarily of their own interests and put them above others. However, where there is kindness acts of love abound. People do amazing things as they give freely and generously. Their kindness begets more kindness and keeps love alive in their lives. You, too, can keep love alive in your life with even the smallest acts of kindness.

 
REFLECTION:
 
Would I describe myself as a kind person? Why or why not?

When I give is it done freely and generously? Explain.

Do I usually take the first step in being kind or do I wait for someone else to take the initiative?

In what ways do I usually express kindness toward others?

Am I sensitive to the needs of others? How do I show it?

How can my acts of kindness show someone I love them?

Is there someone to whom I can show kindness in order to communicate my love for them? If so, what might I do?

 
EMPOWERING THOUGHTS & AFFIRMATIONS:

People often seem to be more concerned with what they can get rather than what they can give.  I choose to be a giver.

I can enjoy the rewards that come from giving.

I choose to put love and respect into action today.

I choose to speak kind words to others.


Love and kindness are never wasted. They always make a difference. They bless the one who receives them, and they bless you, the giver. ~Barbara De Angelis

Kind words can be short and easy to speak but their echoes are truly endless. ~Mother Teresa

Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate. ~Albert Schweitzer

When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace. ~Tenzin Gyatso

Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God's kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile. ~Mother Theresa


CLICK HERE for: Free Printable Worksheet


Taken from The 10 Keys to Happy & Loving Relationships Part 4 (Love is Kind) by Krystal Kuehn, BeHappy4Life.com




Copyright © 2007, 2010 Krystal Kuehn. All Rights Reserved. New Day Counseling Center


Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher & musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a family couples counseling and child teen counseling center, BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and inspirational site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights & words of inspiration to change your life, and Baby-Poems.com where you can find beautiful baby poems, baby quotes, cute sayings & baby videos that will touch your heart & increase your joy & gratitude for the children you love & enjoy! Check out Krystal's other blogs: Give Thanks Journal, Baby Poems blog and Words of Inspiration blog!



<<  Back to Be Your Best New Day Counseling Center home

Monday, August 30, 2010

How Practicing Patience Can Improve Our Relationships

 How do you react when you are inconvenienced? How do you handle annoyances? Every day we are faced with new challenges that test our endurance and patience. Through patience we have the opportunity to express love for imperfect people and for life despite all its challenges and difficulties.

Patience is a passive demonstration of love. It is not what you do as much as how you respond to people or situations. Patience is…calmly enduring an inconvenience, not reacting impulsively when a decision needs to be made, hoping in the midst of opposition, staying faithful and believing despite delay, submitting without resistance when it is the best option, and gracefully accepting hardships that cannot be changed.
 
There is a calm quality to patience. When you are patient, you are in no hurry. You are able to wait for as long as is necessary. You persist in believing without giving up. Your temper is under control. And you are not disturbed by inconveniences and annoyances.


Patience communicates love. It says:

I love you despite your imperfections.

I am willing to wait because some things are worth waiting for.

I will go out of my way if it will help you.

I will allow you to do things at your own pace, not mine.

I will think things through before making a decision.

I will not give up on you; I believe in you.

I will accept you the way you are and not try to change you.

I will respect your beliefs and opinions although they differ from mine.

Patience clearly communicates love in a very special way. Patience is commonly said to be a virtue. It is a quality that can be developed and practiced by every one of us.


Reflection:
 
How understanding and tolerant am I with people in my life?

Do I persist in the face of difficulties or setbacks? Explain.

How do I manage times of delay and waiting?

What tries my patience more than anything else? How do I respond?

What do I expect from others that keeps me from being patient with them?

On a scale of 0 to 10, with 10 being “completely” and 0 being “not at all” how would I rate my overall level of patience?

Is there someone in my life that I need to be more patient with? What can I do differently?

Empowering Thoughts & Affirmations:

Life is filled with obstacles and imperfect people that hinder our plans, slow us down, and annoy us.

  I can accept life as being imperfect.
  I can allow myself and others to have flaws.



Our patience will achieve more than our force. ~Edmund Burke

Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. ~Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Patience with others is Love, Patience with self is Hope, Patience with God is Faith. ~Adel Bestavros

Patience and perserverence have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish. ~John Quincy Adams


CLICK HERE for free printable worksheet


Taken from 10 Keys to Happy & Loving Relationships Part 3 (Love is Patient) by Krystal Kuehn



Copyright © 2006, 2010 Krystal Kuehn, All Rights Reserved. New Day Counseling Center.



Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher & musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a family marriage counseling and adolescent child therapy center, BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and inspirational site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights & words of inspiration to change your life, and Baby-Poems.com where you can find beautiful baby poems, baby quotes, cute sayings & baby videos that will touch your heart & increase your joy & gratitude for the children you love & enjoy! Check out Krystal's blogs: Give Thanks Journal, Baby Poems blog and Words of Inspiration blog!


<< Back to Be Your Best home

Monday, August 23, 2010

Self-Esteem: How it Affects Our Relationships

There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self-esteem, the more likely one will be to treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity. ~Nathaniel Branden

You may have heard it said that you can’t love others if you don’t love yourself. Having self-love means you care about and like yourself in a healthy and balanced way. It means you have self-respect and believe you are worthy of love.

When self-love is lacking in a person’s life, it usually indicates that they have a low self-esteem. They do not “esteem” or value themselves as highly as they ought to. They might not really believe they are loveable. And the more they dislike themselves, the more hindered they become in receiving love from others. As a result, they are unable to love others as deeply as they would like to.

It is important to note that what appears as excessive self-love in some people is also indicative of a poor self-esteem. These individuals come across as arrogant and boastful. However, they yearn for admiration in hopes that it will satisfy their desperate longing for genuine love.

Loving and esteeming others fully begins with loving and esteeming yourself in an appropriate and healthy way.

When you.....

Allow for mistakes and forgive your flaws

Are patient and understanding with yourself

Are not self-deprecating or self-exalting

Satisfied with your best effort

Believe in yourself and don’t give up

Acknowledge your good qualities and strengths and accept your weaknesses

Learn to like and appreciate who you are


Then, you will be much better able to do so for others. Love, respect, and appreciation will transfer to all other areas and relationships in your life.

The way you esteem yourself will be directly related to the way you esteem others. That is why a positive self-esteem is an important part of our experience of love. Self-esteem can be built and improved as you acknowledge and receive love in your life and as you love yourself and others as best as you can. In its own miraculous way love increases in our lives as we give it away. The more we give, the more we have to give. So you can start right where you are no matter how little you may feel you have to give. There is so much more love for you to experience.


Reflection:

Explain what esteeming yourself means to you and how you think it relates to loving others.

How can a low self-esteem make it difficult to receive love and to love others?

Review the list of examples of loving and esteeming yourself. How do they apply to you?

Is self-love lacking or excessive in your life? How can you bring it into balance?

Think about the way you feel about yourself. In what ways is it helping or hindering you from loving others?


Empowering Thoughts & Affirmations:

Everyone wants to be loved. Everyone is worthy of love.


* I can allow the power of love to work in my life.

* I can accept myself and others as worthy of love.

* I choose to appreciate my inner strengths and value who I am.


Love is an expression and assertion of self-esteem. ~Ayn Rand

You must love yourself before you love another. By accepting yourself and fully being what you are, your simple presence can make others happy. ~unknown

You really have to look inside yourself and find your own inner strength, and say, "I'm proud of what I am and who I am, and I'm just going to be myself." ~Mariah Carey



CLICK HERE for free printable worksheet


Taken from 10 Keys to Happy & Loving Relationships Part 2 (Love is Esteem for Self and Others) by Krystal Kuehn

Copyright © 2007, 2010 Krystal Kuehn. All Rights Reserved.



Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher & musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a family couples counseling and child teen counseling center, BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and inspirational site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights & words of inspiration to change your life, and Baby-Poems.com where you can find beautiful baby poems, baby quotes, cute sayings & baby videos that will touch your heart & increase your joy & gratitude for the children you love & enjoy! Check out Krystal's blogs: Give Thanks Journal, Baby Poems blog and Words of Inspiration blog!



<< Back to Be Your Best home

Monday, August 16, 2010

Tips to Finding the Right Partner for Life

One of the most important decisions you will ever make is the decision of who you will spend the rest of your life with. Why is this so important? It is important because the direction of your life will be greatly influenced by that very choice. With time couples become alike in many ways. They learn from one another’s way of thinking and behaving, and they come to share values and world views. Their relationship shapes who they become, their level of happiness, their outlook, as well as their goals and dreams.

Knowing who you are and what you want are the first steps in finding that right someone. Consider what you have to offer in a relationship. Are there some things you need to work through before you can have a healthy, fulfilling relationship? For example, if you have a problem with anger or substance abuse, you might want to get help before getting seriously involved with anyone. Some of these issues carry over into relationships and create havoc and destruction. It’s hard to be the right person for anyone when you are hurting yourself or others. And it is hard to find the right person because dysfunctional patterns can develop such as enabling, co-dependency, and so forth. That does not mean that you are doomed to be single until you have it all together. Everyone is in a constant process of changing and growing. The goal is to be our best and that requires working on our own issues and on our relationships.

Once you know who you are and are at peace with yourself and what you have to offer, ask yourself what is most important to you in a relationship? What is it that you want and are looking for? Oftentimes, expectations are disappointed and needs go unmet simply because singles do not carefully consider what qualities are most important to them in a partner. For example, if spending quality time together is most important to you, would the right partner for you be someone who enjoys a career in which frequent traveling without you is involved? Or, if physical affection is important to you, would the right someone be aloof and avoid intimacy? Mr. or Ms. Right ought to be a good fit for your personality and needs.

Where do you look for that right someone? Successful marriages are made up of couples who are compatible. They have common goals and interests. The right person for you may be found in places where you enjoy your favorite sports, music, or hobbies. He or she might be found in places where you can connect spiritually or vocationally. Another place that is becoming more and more common for singles meeting is the internet. It provides a different way of establishing communication, connecting, and getting to know each other. The places to meet your special someone are endless. Actually, that right someone can be anywhere. What is most important is that you know who you are, know what you want, and confidently seek out that right someone. Remember, Mr.or Ms. Right is looking for you too. Trust that you will find each other and don’t give up until you do.

When deep down in the core of your being you believe that your soulmate exists, there is no limit to the ways he or she can enter your life. ~Arielle Ford



Singles: Tips for Finding the Right Partner for Life
Copyright © 2009 BeHappy4Life.com. All Rights Reserved. Written by Krystal Kuehn


Our soul…tries to direct us to individuals who share our purpose in life, complement our strengths, and supplement our weaknesses. But there is no guarantee that these ideal mates are going to look the way we expect, or be of our own background. ~Carolyn Miller


Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher & musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a family couples counseling and child teen counseling center, BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and inspirational site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights & words of inspiration to change your life, and Baby-Poems.com where you can find beautiful baby poems, baby quotes, cute sayings & baby videos that will touch your heart & increase your joy & gratitude for the children you love & enjoy! Check out Krystal's blogs: Give Thanks Journal, Baby Poems blog and Words of Inspiration blog!


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Monday, August 9, 2010

Financial Stress: 5 Ways Couples Can Survive & Prosper

All couples face financial stress at one time or another. Financial stress is not only caused by a lack of money or work, it also results from different spending styles, money management, and ways of coping with stress and life challenges. It can lead to major relationship problems and even separation. Money matters are one of the most common causes for divorce. When a financial crisis occurs, couples are forced to cope with changes that can be uncomfortable or cause one or both partners to feel resentment towards the other. The strain can lead to increased irritability, pressure, insecurity, and fear.

The challenges couples face quickly become more than a financial problem, and that is why many breakups and divorces occur. It hurts the relationship in all areas. If not handled in a healthy manner, financial stress can lead to:

Increased conflict & irritability

Distancing/Withdrawal

Fears, worries, insecurities

Blame and Underlying resentment

Depression/Anxiety

Physical symptoms/illness

Decreased affection/Sex life

Problems with changing roles & lifestyle

Following are some tips to help couples better cope with financial challenges that put strain on their relationship.

1. The first thing couples must do is come in agreement that they will make it through this challenge together. They are to see each other as partners. They are in this together. They are a team and together they will overcome.

2. If there are underlying issues of blame and anger, they need to be dealt with as soon as possible until there is a resolve to work together without resentment and/or unforgiveness.

3. Couples must accept the challenge as another way that their relationship will be put to the test. Reaffirming their commitment to each other despite what they are going through will help them to keep their focus and priorities straight.

4. Rather than shut down or withdraw, couples ought to communicate their feelings to each other. Communicating feelings of anxiety or pressure allows them to offer the support, comfort, and hope that is needed and can help significantly in coping with the situation.

5. Couples can help each other maintain an attitude that is hopeful and positive. Couples that pray together, stay together. Rather than focusing on the problem, couples can focus on the solution. Instead of talking about how bad things are or how bad they can get, couples can make the best of the situation and focus on the good things they do have. They can set new goals to make things better. They can brainstorm new ways of spending time together without spending much money. They can find new ways to connect and enjoy each other.

The strain on relationships caused by financial stress does not need to damage or destroy them. Instead, it can and will make them stronger if couples are willing to work with each other as they go through the process together of adjusting to the changes, and accepting new roles and different lifestyles. And, keep believing that things can and will get better. Tough times don’t last forever. Things will get better if they do not give up on each other and the situation. Couples who work together during trying times ultimately find that their relationships become stronger and more fulfilling.

You don't develop courage by being happy in your relationships everyday. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity.
~Barbara De Angelis



Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit. ~Napolean Hill

 
Copyright © 2009 Krystal Kuehn, New Day Counseling Center. All Rights Reserved.




Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher & musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a family marriage counseling and child therapy center, BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and inspirational site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights & inspiration to change your life, and Baby-Poems.com where you can find beautiful baby poems, baby quotes, cute sayings & baby videos that will touch your heart & increase your joy & gratitude for the children you love & enjoy!  Check out Krystal's other blogs:  Give Thanks Journal, Baby PoemsWords of Inspiration





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