Tuesday, August 30, 2011

What Happened to Our Vows? (from the Help Save My Marriage Counseling Series)

Passion can never purchase what true love desires:  true intimacy, self-giving, and commitment.

When people make a promise to us, we usually expect and hope that they will keep it. Especially when it is from those we love and care about. We want to trust them and have the security of knowing that we can count on their word.

How about in marriage?  Do people stay committed to their promises?

Think about the marriage vows couples make to each other. Vows are promises. They usually include notions of affection (promises to love and respect one another) as well as faithfulness (promises to remain true and to stay together).

The following is an excerpt of marriage vows made by so many. I am sure they will sound familiar:

To have and to hold, from this day forward,
for better for worse, for richer for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish, till death do us part.

Why are vows hard to keep sometimes? It is because relationships are hard work! When difficult times come (and they will), when feelings or circumstances change, there is one thing that will keep a couple together and that is their commitment to their marriage.

The real difference between a successful marriage and a troubled one is the level of each partner's commitment to work through problems and challenges. Couples who do not stay committed through the difficult times usually end up getting divorced. Successful couples work on resolving their conflicts. They don’t give up; they stay committed to the relationship.

If they cannot resolve their conflicts together, they seek help such as marriage counseling. They work on keeping their promises.   Let us look at some of them again:

They promised: For better or for worse. So when it gets worse, they work together to make it better.

They promised: For richer or poorer. So when financial problems arise, they work together to pull out of them.

They promised: In sickness and in health. If sickness or tragedy strikes, or when they grow old, they cope with the challenges together and support each other in any way they can.

They promised: to love and to cherish. They can do this when they understand that true love is more than a feeling. It is a commitment.

And finally, they promised each other: Till death do us part. That means that they will remain faithful, resist temptations, and stay committed to their marriage for as long as they live.

Now that is a huge commitment with some very serious promises! I really believe that most couples want their marriages to work. Sometimes what they need more than anything else is some insight and a few skills in key relationship areas such as communication, conflict resolution, money issues, sexuality & intimacy, romance. I know that professional marriage counseling can be of help in many cases.  It can help couples to develop some insight and understand,  gain necessary tools to improve communication, restore love and respect, increase intimacy, and strengthen the marriage bond.

I hope to encourage you to stay true to your commitments. If necessary, get some marriage counseling help, make needed changes, learn more. Remember, your level of commitment will affect the quality of your marriage.

Passion is the quickest to develop and the quickest to fade. Intimacy develops more slowly, and commitment more gradually still.  ~Robert Sternberg

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.  ~Mignon McLaughlin

What Happened to Our Vows? (from the Help Save My Marriage Counseling Series)
Copyright © 2009 New Day Family Marriage Counseling written by Krystal Kuehn

New Day Counseling is a family marriage counseling center that provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, child therapy, adolescent counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseling, porn addiction counseling, substance abuse counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.

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1 comment:

  1. A marriage counselor helps when a sense of hopelessness and helplessness sets in. He functions as a sort of umpire if you will, mediating and intervening to make sure it's a fair game. If you sense that your marriage is in trouble and you see no way out, don't hesitate to look for a marriage counselor who can help you.
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