How Practicing Patience Can Improve Our Relationships

 How do you react when you are inconvenienced? How do you handle annoyances? Every day we are faced with new challenges that test our endurance and patience. Through patience we have the opportunity to express love for imperfect people and for life despite all its challenges and difficulties.

Patience is a passive demonstration of love. It is not what you do as much as how you respond to people or situations. Patience is…calmly enduring an inconvenience, not reacting impulsively when a decision needs to be made, hoping in the midst of opposition, staying faithful and believing despite delay, submitting without resistance when it is the best option, and gracefully accepting hardships that cannot be changed.
 
There is a calm quality to patience. When you are patient, you are in no hurry. You are able to wait for as long as is necessary. You persist in believing without giving up. Your temper is under control. And you are not disturbed by inconveniences and annoyances.


Patience communicates love. It says:

I love you despite your imperfections.

I am willing to wait because some things are worth waiting for.

I will go out of my way if it will help you.

I will allow you to do things at your own pace, not mine.

I will think things through before making a decision.

I will not give up on you; I believe in you.

I will accept you the way you are and not try to change you.

I will respect your beliefs and opinions although they differ from mine.

Patience clearly communicates love in a very special way. Patience is commonly said to be a virtue. It is a quality that can be developed and practiced by every one of us.


Reflection:
 
How understanding and tolerant am I with people in my life?

Do I persist in the face of difficulties or setbacks? Explain.

How do I manage times of delay and waiting?

What tries my patience more than anything else? How do I respond?

What do I expect from others that keeps me from being patient with them?

On a scale of 0 to 10, with 10 being “completely” and 0 being “not at all” how would I rate my overall level of patience?

Is there someone in my life that I need to be more patient with? What can I do differently?

Empowering Thoughts & Affirmations:

Life is filled with obstacles and imperfect people that hinder our plans, slow us down, and annoy us.

♥  I can accept life as being imperfect.
♥  I can allow myself and others to have flaws.

Our patience will achieve more than our force. ~Edmund Burke

Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. ~Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Patience with others is Love, Patience with self is Hope, Patience with God is Faith. ~Adel Bestavros

Patience and perserverence have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish. ~John Quincy Adams


CLICK HERE for free printable worksheet


Taken from 10 Keys to Happy & Loving Relationships Part 3 (Love is Patient) by Krystal Kuehn



Copyright © 2006, 2010 Krystal Kuehn, All Rights Reserved. New Day Counseling Center.



Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher & musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a family marriage counseling and adolescent child therapy center, BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and inspirational site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights & words of inspiration to change your life, and Baby-Poems.com where you can find beautiful baby poems, baby quotes, cute sayings & baby videos that will touch your heart & increase your joy & gratitude for the children you love & enjoy! Check out Krystal's blogs: Give Thanks Journal, Baby Poems blog and Words of Inspiration blog!


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Self-Esteem: How it Affects Our Relationships

There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self-esteem, the more likely one will be to treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity. ~Nathaniel Branden

You may have heard it said that you can’t love others if you don’t love yourself. Having self-love means you care about and like yourself in a healthy and balanced way. It means you have self-respect and believe you are worthy of love.

When self-love is lacking in a person’s life, it usually indicates that they have a low self-esteem. They do not “esteem” or value themselves as highly as they ought to. They might not really believe they are loveable. And the more they dislike themselves, the more hindered they become in receiving love from others. As a result, they are unable to love others as deeply as they would like to.

It is important to note that what appears as excessive self-love in some people is also indicative of a poor self-esteem. These individuals come across as arrogant and boastful. However, they yearn for admiration in hopes that it will satisfy their desperate longing for genuine love.

Loving and esteeming others fully begins with loving and esteeming yourself in an appropriate and healthy way.

When you.....

Allow for mistakes and forgive your flaws

Are patient and understanding with yourself

Are not self-deprecating or self-exalting

Satisfied with your best effort

Believe in yourself and don’t give up

Acknowledge your good qualities and strengths and accept your weaknesses

Learn to like and appreciate who you are


Then, you will be much better able to do so for others. Love, respect, and appreciation will transfer to all other areas and relationships in your life.

The way you esteem yourself will be directly related to the way you esteem others. That is why a positive self-esteem is an important part of our experience of love. Self-esteem can be built and improved as you acknowledge and receive love in your life and as you love yourself and others as best as you can. In its own miraculous way love increases in our lives as we give it away. The more we give, the more we have to give. So you can start right where you are no matter how little you may feel you have to give. There is so much more love for you to experience.


Reflection:

Explain what esteeming yourself means to you and how you think it relates to loving others.

How can a low self-esteem make it difficult to receive love and to love others?

Review the list of examples of loving and esteeming yourself. How do they apply to you?

Is self-love lacking or excessive in your life? How can you bring it into balance?

Think about the way you feel about yourself. In what ways is it helping or hindering you from loving others?


Empowering Thoughts & Affirmations:

Everyone wants to be loved. Everyone is worthy of love.


* I can allow the power of love to work in my life.

* I can accept myself and others as worthy of love.

* I choose to appreciate my inner strengths and value who I am.

Love is an expression and assertion of self-esteem. ~Ayn Rand

You must love yourself before you love another. By accepting yourself and fully being what you are, your simple presence can make others happy. ~unknown

You really have to look inside yourself and find your own inner strength, and say, "I'm proud of what I am and who I am, and I'm just going to be myself." ~Mariah Carey

CLICK HERE for free printable worksheet


Taken from 10 Keys to Happy & Loving Relationships Part 2 (Love is Esteem for Self and Others) by Krystal Kuehn

Copyright © 2007, 2010 Krystal Kuehn. All Rights Reserved.



Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher & musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a family couples counseling and child teen counseling center, BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and inspirational site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights & words of inspiration to change your life, and Baby-Poems.com where you can find beautiful baby poems, baby quotes, cute sayings & baby videos that will touch your heart & increase your joy & gratitude for the children you love & enjoy! Check out Krystal's blogs: Give Thanks Journal, Baby Poems blog and Words of Inspiration blog!



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Tips to Finding the Right Partner for Life

One of the most important decisions you will ever make is the decision of who you will spend the rest of your life with. Why is this so important? It is important because the direction of your life will be greatly influenced by that very choice. With time couples become alike in many ways. They learn from one another’s way of thinking and behaving, and they come to share values and world views. Their relationship shapes who they become, their level of happiness, their outlook, as well as their goals and dreams.

Knowing who you are and what you want are the first steps in finding that right someone. Consider what you have to offer in a relationship. Are there some things you need to work through before you can have a healthy, fulfilling relationship? For example, if you have a problem with anger or substance abuse, you might want to get help before getting seriously involved with anyone. Some of these issues carry over into relationships and create havoc and destruction. It’s hard to be the right person for anyone when you are hurting yourself or others. And it is hard to find the right person because dysfunctional patterns can develop such as enabling, co-dependency, and so forth. That does not mean that you are doomed to be single until you have it all together. Everyone is in a constant process of changing and growing. The goal is to be our best and that requires working on our own issues and on our relationships.

Once you know who you are and are at peace with yourself and what you have to offer, ask yourself what is most important to you in a relationship? What is it that you want and are looking for? Oftentimes, expectations are disappointed and needs go unmet simply because singles do not carefully consider what qualities are most important to them in a partner. For example, if spending quality time together is most important to you, would the right partner for you be someone who enjoys a career in which frequent traveling without you is involved? Or, if physical affection is important to you, would the right someone be aloof and avoid intimacy? Mr. or Ms. Right ought to be a good fit for your personality and needs.

Where do you look for that right someone? Successful marriages are made up of couples who are compatible. They have common goals and interests. The right person for you may be found in places where you enjoy your favorite sports, music, or hobbies. He or she might be found in places where you can connect spiritually or vocationally. Another place that is becoming more and more common for singles meeting is the internet. It provides a different way of establishing communication, connecting, and getting to know each other. The places to meet your special someone are endless. Actually, that right someone can be anywhere. What is most important is that you know who you are, know what you want, and confidently seek out that right someone. Remember, Mr.or Ms. Right is looking for you too. Trust that you will find each other and don’t give up until you do.

When deep down in the core of your being you believe that your soulmate exists, there is no limit to the ways he or she can enter your life. ~Arielle Ford

Singles: Tips for Finding the Right Partner for Life
Copyright © 2009 BeHappy4Life.com. All Rights Reserved. Written by Krystal Kuehn

Our soul…tries to direct us to individuals who share our purpose in life, complement our strengths, and supplement our weaknesses. But there is no guarantee that these ideal mates are going to look the way we expect, or be of our own background. ~Carolyn Miller

Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher & musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a family couples counseling and child teen counseling center, BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and inspirational site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights & words of inspiration to change your life, and Baby-Poems.com where you can find beautiful baby poems, baby quotes, cute sayings & baby videos that will touch your heart & increase your joy & gratitude for the children you love & enjoy! Check out Krystal's blogs: Give Thanks Journal, Baby Poems blog and Words of Inspiration blog!


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Financial Stress: 5 Ways Couples Can Survive & Prosper

All couples face financial stress at one time or another. Financial stress is not only caused by a lack of money or work, it also results from different spending styles, money management, and ways of coping with stress and life challenges. It can lead to major relationship problems and even separation. Money matters are one of the most common causes for divorce. When a financial crisis occurs, couples are forced to cope with changes that can be uncomfortable or cause one or both partners to feel resentment towards the other. The strain can lead to increased irritability, pressure, insecurity, and fear.

The challenges couples face quickly become more than a financial problem, and that is why many breakups and divorces occur. It hurts the relationship in all areas. If not handled in a healthy manner, financial stress can lead to:

Increased conflict & irritability

Distancing/Withdrawal

Fears, worries, insecurities

Blame and Underlying resentment

Depression/Anxiety

Physical symptoms/illness

Decreased affection/Sex life

Problems with changing roles & lifestyle

Following are some tips to help couples better cope with financial challenges that put strain on their relationship.

1. The first thing couples must do is come in agreement that they will make it through this challenge together. They are to see each other as partners. They are in this together. They are a team and together they will overcome.

2. If there are underlying issues of blame and anger, they need to be dealt with as soon as possible until there is a resolve to work together without resentment and/or unforgiveness.

3. Couples must accept the challenge as another way that their relationship will be put to the test. Reaffirming their commitment to each other despite what they are going through will help them to keep their focus and priorities straight.

4. Rather than shut down or withdraw, couples ought to communicate their feelings to each other. Communicating feelings of anxiety or pressure allows them to offer the support, comfort, and hope that is needed and can help significantly in coping with the situation.

5. Couples can help each other maintain an attitude that is hopeful and positive. Couples that pray together, stay together. Rather than focusing on the problem, couples can focus on the solution. Instead of talking about how bad things are or how bad they can get, couples can make the best of the situation and focus on the good things they do have. They can set new goals to make things better. They can brainstorm new ways of spending time together without spending much money. They can find new ways to connect and enjoy each other.

The strain on relationships caused by financial stress does not need to damage or destroy them. Instead, it can and will make them stronger if couples are willing to work with each other as they go through the process together of adjusting to the changes, and accepting new roles and different lifestyles. And, keep believing that things can and will get better. Tough times don’t last forever. Things will get better if they do not give up on each other and the situation. Couples who work together during trying times ultimately find that their relationships become stronger and more fulfilling.

You don't develop courage by being happy in your relationships everyday. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity.

~Barbara De Angelis

Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit. ~Napolean Hill

 
Copyright © 2009 Krystal Kuehn, New Day Counseling Center. All Rights Reserved.




Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher & musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a family marriage counseling and child therapy center, BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and inspirational site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights & inspiration to change your life, and Baby-Poems.com where you can find beautiful baby poems, baby quotes, cute sayings & baby videos that will touch your heart & increase your joy & gratitude for the children you love & enjoy!  Check out Krystal's other blogs:  Give Thanks Journal, Baby Poems & Words of Inspiration





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Are We Falling Out of Love?

Before a marriage or relationship ends, one or both partners usually claim that they are no longer “in love”. The passion, affection, and harmony that were once present are now replaced with disagreements, emotional withdrawal and physical distancing.

Relationships grow and develop as partners change and adapt to life and each other. It is an ongoing process. At the beginning of a new relationship, love is intoxicating. Differences and incompatibilities go unnoticed. This highly enjoyable stage of a relationship does not last forever. Soon after the excitement wears off, partners have an opportunity to get to know and accept one another for who they really are. It is at this point that they discover the hard work that happy and successful relationships demand.

Every relationship has conflicts. When they arise, a couple’s love and commitment will be tested. The real difference between a successful marriage or relationship and a troubled one is the level of commitment by both partners to work through problems and challenges. Couples who do not stay committed through the difficult times usually end up getting divorced. Successful couples value their relationship and work together on resolving their conflicts. They persevere and stay committed to the relationship. If they cannot resolve their conflicts together, they seek help. On the contrary, a relationship with unresolved conflicts grows distant. Eventually, layers upon layers of hurt feelings, insecurities, and unresolved issues develop which lead to more serious relationship problems.

Most couples want their marriages to work. For most, it’s a matter of rekindling their love and acceptance of one another, learning how to resolve conflicts, becoming better listeners, and resolving to stay committed to one another. There is no perfect marriage or relationship. Marriages go through changes and allow partners to grow closer and deeper in love as a result.

Falling out of love usually means falling out of a mutual commitment to work on the relationship in hopes of rekindling feelings of love, respect and affection. If you want to fall back in love, it begins with a mutual agreement with your partner to heal and renew your relationship. Are you willing to resolve your conflicts when they occur rather than ignore them or let them escalate? Share your feelings and thoughts with love and acceptance rather than criticism and judgment? Focus on what you like about each other rather than what can be improved? Accept your differences and agree that you can disagree and still love and respect each other? Be thankful for and appreciate your partner? Make time for each other? Show your partner respect and love every day? Get professional marriage counseling if you need it?

Being in love is one of the greatest experiences in the world. It is more than a good feeling that eventually fades. It is an intimate connection with another human being unlike any other. It involves a lifetime commitment that surpasses feelings and reaches deep into the soul where true love resides. This kind of love lasts forever and is unconditional. It is not dependent upon feelings or circumstances. It is eternal and true. It is a love that every marriage can experience.

Relationships can be restored. Love can be rekindled. Marriages can be happy and succeed. Sometimes what is needed more than anything else is some insight and a few skills in key relationship areas such as communication, commitment, sexuality and intimacy, conflict resolution, money issues, romance, crisis, cheat-proofing your marriage.

Rather than enduring an unhappy or troubled marriage, or becoming another statistic of divorce, make today a new day of commitment to your marriage! Get the help that can make all the difference and save your relationship today!



Copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved. Written by Krystal Kuehn. New Day Counseling Center

Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher & musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a family marriage counseling and child therapy center, BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and inspirational site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights & words of inspiration, and Baby-Poems.com where you can find beautiful baby poems, baby quotes, cute sayings & baby videos that will touch your heart & increase your joy & gratitude for the children you love & enjoy! Check out Krystal's new Give Thanks Gratitude Journal and Words of Inspiration blog!


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