Monday, August 2, 2010

Are We Falling Out of Love?

Before a marriage or relationship ends, one or both partners usually claim that they are no longer “in love”. The passion, affection, and harmony that were once present are now replaced with disagreements, emotional withdrawal and physical distancing.

Relationships grow and develop as partners change and adapt to life and each other. It is an ongoing process. At the beginning of a new relationship, love is intoxicating. Differences and incompatibilities go unnoticed. This highly enjoyable stage of a relationship does not last forever. Soon after the excitement wears off, partners have an opportunity to get to know and accept one another for who they really are. It is at this point that they discover the hard work that happy and successful relationships demand.

Every relationship has conflicts. When they arise, a couple’s love and commitment will be tested. The real difference between a successful marriage or relationship and a troubled one is the level of commitment by both partners to work through problems and challenges. Couples who do not stay committed through the difficult times usually end up getting divorced. Successful couples value their relationship and work together on resolving their conflicts. They persevere and stay committed to the relationship. If they cannot resolve their conflicts together, they seek help. On the contrary, a relationship with unresolved conflicts grows distant. Eventually, layers upon layers of hurt feelings, insecurities, and unresolved issues develop which lead to more serious relationship problems.

Most couples want their marriages to work. For most, it’s a matter of rekindling their love and acceptance of one another, learning how to resolve conflicts, becoming better listeners, and resolving to stay committed to one another. There is no perfect marriage or relationship. Marriages go through changes and allow partners to grow closer and deeper in love as a result.

Falling out of love usually means falling out of a mutual commitment to work on the relationship in hopes of rekindling feelings of love, respect and affection. If you want to fall back in love, it begins with a mutual agreement with your partner to heal and renew your relationship. Are you willing to resolve your conflicts when they occur rather than ignore them or let them escalate? Share your feelings and thoughts with love and acceptance rather than criticism and judgment? Focus on what you like about each other rather than what can be improved? Accept your differences and agree that you can disagree and still love and respect each other? Be thankful for and appreciate your partner? Make time for each other? Show your partner respect and love every day? Get professional marriage counseling if you need it?

Being in love is one of the greatest experiences in the world. It is more than a good feeling that eventually fades. It is an intimate connection with another human being unlike any other. It involves a lifetime commitment that surpasses feelings and reaches deep into the soul where true love resides. This kind of love lasts forever and is unconditional. It is not dependent upon feelings or circumstances. It is eternal and true. It is a love that every marriage can experience.

Relationships can be restored. Love can be rekindled. Marriages can be happy and succeed. Sometimes what is needed more than anything else is some insight and a few skills in key relationship areas such as communication, commitment, sexuality and intimacy, conflict resolution, money issues, romance, crisis, cheat-proofing your marriage.

Rather than enduring an unhappy or troubled marriage, or becoming another statistic of divorce, make today a new day of commitment to your marriage! Get the help that can make all the difference and save your relationship today!

Copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved. Written by Krystal Kuehn. New Day Counseling Center

Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher & musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a family marriage counseling and child therapy center,, an award-winning, self-help and inspirational site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights & words of inspiration, and where you can find beautiful baby poems, baby quotes, cute sayings & baby videos that will touch your heart & increase your joy & gratitude for the children you love & enjoy! Check out Krystal's new Give Thanks Gratitude Journal and Words of Inspiration blog!

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