A Vacation Every Couple Needs & 4 Warning Signs of Couple Trouble

 He who returns from a journey is not the same as he who left.  ~Chinese Proverb

When was the last time you took a vacation? A family vacation is one thing, but I am talking about a couples vacation—just you and your spouse. Are you about due yet? If you want to do more than just get away, read on. Vacations can help to refresh and revive relationships. It is like breathing fresh air into them, reenergizing them with greater intimacy and deeper love.

By definition, vacation is time devoted to rest and relaxation as from work or study. So if you are wondering if it is something you can afford, think of it this way. It is something you cannot afford to go without. Without devoted time for rest and relaxation, we get burned out on our jobs, and lose our effectiveness and interest. How about our marriages? They suffer also. Couples grow apart, experience less satisfaction, and are more irritable with each other.

So how can couples keep their relationships healthy and strong? By devoting quality time to them, that is, time away from all that keeps them busy and distracted. Studies show that couples who schedule periodic dates and spend more time together are more satisfied with their marriages than those who don’t. How often do you devote time to be alone together? Whether it’s a date or vacation, spending time together is an investment with great returns.

With no interference from work or home, periodic getaways with our spouses allow us to focus on each other, share memorable life experiences together, and simply have fun. Did you ever experience something enjoyable and wish your partner had been there to share it with you? Well, getaways provide opportunities to create cherished and lifelong memories. Vacations with your partner are about being together in body, soul, and spirit. They are times that bring great fulfillment and wholeness to the relationship. And they are times couples need for their relationships to thrive.

Before you go on vacation you don't want to have any grudges, resentment, or unforgiveness toward one another. It is healthy to release any negative baggage and work through unresolved issues before you go. Otherwise, there is a very good chance they will come up directly or indirectly in a bad attitude, sarcasm, or distancing. The focus ought to be on the strengths of the relationship. You can both make a commitment to overlook minor annoyances and notice the good not the bad. If you are unable to so, then I recommend counseling before you go on a vacation and maybe start with dating first.

Getaways don’t have to be expensive. The real goal is to enjoy being together, to value that time, and to grow and appreciate the beauty of life and gift of love. When planning your special times together, be sure to consider fun things you both like to do, something new you can experience, and romantic and playful ways to enjoy one another. Turn off the cell phones, forget about work, leave your cares behind, and devote quality time to the love of your life. Enjoy each other!


4 Warning Signs of a Neglected Marriage:

1. Priorities out of order. If you devote most of your extra time and attention to anything above God and your spouse, your relationships will suffer. We see this with workaholics. Whether their work is their passion or an escape, it becomes their top priority at all costs. Their spouses and children feel the affects and it damages the most precious gift they are blessed with: family. Anything that comes first in a person’s life can get out of balance and become an idol. It can be an addiction such as pornography or drugs. It can be can an interest or hobby such as sports or entertainment. If a relationship is a top priority, more quality time and attention will be devoted to it. What are your top 5 priorities? Do your actions and devotions support your answer? Where does your spouse place on your list? Would he or she agree?


2. Divided attention. Too often we can be in someone’s company and find that they aren’t fully present. Physically they are, but their thoughts and occupations are elsewhere. They are answering text messages and cell calls. They are distracted by competing cries for their attention. Focus is lost and shifted to other things, and it leaves others feeling less important, alone, or in the way. Divided attention doesn’t have to become an ongoing problem with couples. Appropriate limits and boundaries can be set. Have you been guilty of allowing distractions to draw you away from your partner? If they have been excessive, what can you do limit them? Ask your partner how he or she feels about it and what would be an acceptable solution.


3. Missing Quality Time. When couples don’t spend enough quality time together, they begin to get bored in the relationship. A lack of fun and sharing can lead them to think there is something wrong with their marriage. This leads to confusion about their feelings. Some wonder if they fell out of love, when in fact they haven’t been investing time with each other and fanning the flame to keep their passion and love for each other fully alive. Investing in a relationship takes time and work. Relationships that are neglected grow weak and routine. How satisfied are you with your marriage? How much quality time do you spend with your partner? What enjoyable things do you together for excitement?


4. Over-Stressed. With many responsibilities at work, home, and school in this face-paced society, it is no wonder that many are stressed. Without enough time for rest and relaxation, stress can lead to burnout and irritability as well as relationship and health problems. Reducing stress not only improves ones outlook and energy, it improves relationships. A calm and peaceful state of being brings out the best in us. We are more patient, kind, and content. Is stress weighing on your marriage? What, if anything, are you doing to manage stress?


So, how can getaways help in the 4 key areas we addressed above? First, we decide that time devoted to spend with our spouse is a top priority. Second, we leave all distracting devices and attention seekers behind. Third, we decide to enjoy and appreciate each other’s company by sharing and doing things we enjoy together. Fourth, we release stress and allow peace to fill us and restore us.


A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. ~Mignon McLaughlin

Happy marriages are based on a deep friendship. By this I mean a mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other’s company.  ~John Gottman

A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers. ~Ruth Bell Graham





Copyright © 2009 NewDayCounseling.org, written by Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC




Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher and musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling Services, a family couples counseling center and BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and personal growth site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights and inspiration.


New Day Family Counseling provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, children therapy, teenage counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseing, porn addiction counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.



Put an end to anger problems & regain control over your life today. Anger management classes help for personal, court, and business. For more info go to newdaycounseling.org or call to register today.


Love and Logic Parenting Classes help you with the most important job there is! You can learn practical tools & techniques for effective discipline, better communication, appropriate boundaries, healthy decision-making, & respectful adult-child relationships. Workshops are available at New Day Counseling in Troy. For more information or to register online go to: Love and Logic Parenting Class or call 248-649-8050.




Self-Esteem Group for Teen Girls (ages 13-17)
Teen girls learn to feel empowered, gain self-awareness, develop positive coping, and improve daily problem-solving skills. Through G.I.R.L.S. (Girls in Real Life Situations) counseling curriculum, group discussion, and fun activities, girls will learn more about themselves and be better equipped to handle Real Life Situations. Call 248-649-8050 today to register. For more information, click here.




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Are You Master or Victim of Your Attitude?

We are either the masters or the victims of our attitudes. It is a matter of personal choice. Who we are today is the result of choices we made yesterday. Tomorrow, we will become what we choose today. To change means to choose to change. ~John Maxwell



What kind of thoughts come to your mind when you think about your life? How about your family, your work, your future? Suppose your thoughts could change your destiny. Would you want to change or improve any of them?

We might believe our thoughts just happen, and we don’t consider the fact that we can choose to stop certain thoughts and refocus. We can choose what we accept and meditate on, and we can choose what we resist and reject. Our thoughts shape the attitudes that direct our lives. We make decisions based on our attitudes and beliefs.

Thoughts lead to other related thoughts. When they are hopeful and positive, we develop a good attitude. Likewise, a bad attitude results when a habit of negative thoughts dominate our thinking. For example, suppose you feel hurt that your friend didn’t come to your birthday party. You might begin to think that it is because it isn't important to her. That thought may lead you to wonder if she really likes you. Maybe you did something to offend her. Maybe there is something wrong with you. You feel angry and rejected. You dwell on the offense and have a bad attitude. If you hold on to it, feelings of rejection may lead to bitterness toward your friend. It may even lead to a desire for retaliation. It is common to reject others when we feel rejected.

Hurt and angry feelings affect our choices and attitudes. We might not be able to control how we feel, but we can control how we direct our thoughts. Suppose you were to stop the negative cycle after feeling hurt by your friend. There could be many good reasons why she wasn't able to join you. Maybe it had nothing to do with you. You can choose to not take it personal if you know she wouldn't intentionally want to hurt you. You can choose to not dwell on the offense and negative feelings. You can refocus. If it really bothers you, talk to her about it. In doing so, you just may find out that you had the wrong idea all along. This happened to a woman I know. She never received the invitation sent by her friend. It was somehow lost in the mail. Her friend assumed she got the invitation and chose not to come. It was months until she discovered why her friend had a bad attitude and pulled away from her.

Our thinking patterns become habits and attitudes. Optimism and pessimism are the result of the kinds of thoughts we choose to dominate our thought life and perspective. If we were to live by these words of wisdom, we would spare ourselves of the negativity that keeps us from fulfilling our potential and purpose: Fill your mind and meditate on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. (Philippians 4:8).

We can choose to occupy our minds with the best in people or situations, rather than the worst. We can choose to see the beauty and splendor of every rose rather than its thorns and ugliness. We can notice and praise what is right and good rather than dwell on mistakes or problems. We can hold on to hope rather than submit to despair. We can appreciate and embrace what we have and all that is before us rather than live in regret of the past. We can choose to live today as best as we can because that is all we have right now.


Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference. ~Winston Churchill

The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes of mind. ~~ William James

It’s your choice: you can either count your blessings or recount your disappointments. ~Jim Gallery

We shouldn’t deny the pain of what happens in our lives. But, we should refuse to focus only on the valleys. ~Charles Swindoll

Pain is inevitable, but misery is optional. ~Max Lucado




Copyright © 2008, 2010 Krystal Kuehn, New Day Counseling MI. All Rights Reserved.




Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher and musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Family Counseling Services, a family couples counseling center and BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and personal growth site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights and inspiration.



New Day Counseling provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, child therapy, teenage counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseing, porn addiction counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.



Put an end to anger problems & regain control over your life today. Anger management classes help for personal, court, and business. For more info go to newdaycounseling.org or call to register today.

Love and Logic Parenting Classes help you with the most important job there is! You can learn practical tools & techniques for effective discipline, better communication, appropriate boundaries, healthy decision-making, & respectful adult-child relationships. Workshops are available at New Day Counseling in Troy. For more information or to register online go to: Love and Logic Parenting Class or call 248-649-8050.


Self-Esteem Group for Teen Girls (ages 13-17)

Teen girls learn to feel empowered, gain self-awareness, develop positive coping, and improve daily problem-solving skills. Through G.I.R.L.S. (Girls in Real Life Situations) counseling curriculum, group discussion, and fun activities, girls will learn more about themselves and be better equipped to handle Real Life Situations. Call 248-649-8050 today to register. For more information, click here.






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How to Make Friends a Healthy Part of Your Couples Relationship

All love that has not friendship for its base is like a mansion built upon the sand. ~Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Before you got into a couples relationship, you had your own friends to hang out with and have fun. You never had to worry about a partner who did not like your friends or did not want to hang out with them. You never had to concern yourself with problems that could arise if you simply wanted to spend some time with your friends rather than your partner. But once you left the singles scene and became a couple, some things regarding friendships began to change.


Following are some common challenges that couples face regarding friendships.

(1) Finding couples friends that both you and your partner enjoy spending time with.


One of you might like spending time with another couple while the other does not. So what do you do? There are a couple of factors to consider when looking for other couples to hang out with:

How time is spent together

When couples share common interests, they are more likely to enjoy the company of other couples with the same interests. For example, if both couples like to do certain things like go to sporting events, (or concerts, comedy club, the theatre, bowling, golfing, or playing cards, watching movies, or just hanging out and talking), they will all enjoy the activity and are more likely to actively engage and work together. We have all participated in things we really enjoy and find that even if we have an issue with someone or something, we can still enjoy ourselves. Personally, I experienced this when working in an orchestra. Once we got into playing the music, our differences subsided for the time being and we all had a great time. On the other hand, if one or more individuals really lack interest in the activities, there is a good chance they will not enjoy spending time together. It might be the activity more than the couple that they do not appreciate and enjoy. Finding things both couples like to do can make a big difference.

Personalities, Compatibility, and Connections

Another important factor that affects enjoying time spent with couple friends is the connection they all have. Do they genuinely like and respect one another? Are they comfortable and feel safe to open up? We connect with others when we find commonalities on which we can bond, such as hobbies, political or religious views, interests, problems, or life experiences. There are so many different levels on which we can connect. Once we do, real friendships can develop and we begin to enjoy time spent together in laughter, sharing, learning, and appreciating life together. Oftentimes, the most rewarding couple friendships develop between couples involved in common goals and interests. That is why it is important that each couple develop goals together first, then they can share them with other couples.

(2) Avoiding conflicts when one of you does not want to hang out with the other’s friends

Couple relationships require a great deal of sharing, giving, and compromise if they are going to be happy and healthy. Doing something the other person wants to do when we do not want to can be handled in several ways. First, you have the choice to do it anyway. That can be a sacrifice on your part, but you do it for your partner. Secondly, you can decide to work out a compromise. You need to discuss this and both feel good and right about it. If one partner feels taken advantage of, it can turn into resentment and bitterness that will eventually come out and affect the relationship. So, you may agree to hang out with his friends today and he will go shopping with you all day tomorrow. Do whatever works as long as you both have a good attitude. It is about give and take. The better we get at it, as it applies to our relationships, the better we can avoid conflicts and find lasting satisfaction in our relationships.


(3) Allowing each other time apart and freedom to choose how and with whom it is spent


Couples ought to have an agreed upon together or "we time" and agreed upon time apart or "me time." Me time should be used any way the person chooses, whether alone or with friends. If one partner does not have their own friends, they can use this time to visit their relatives or simply do something on their own. Whatever they choose to do, the other person’s time apart ought to be respected. It is a good idea to discuss and agree that time alone and time apart from each other will be honored and respected without resentment. The important thing is that couples are satisfied with their time together. A satisfying relationship built on trust creates security. Couples ought to be secure enough in their relationship to let their partners go when separate time is needed. Relationships require a certain amount of freedom. There is an old adage that says, "When you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it’s yours. If it does not, it never was." It is not in the best interest of a relationship to make the partner with friends feel guilty or to impose upon his or her "me time." If the issue has to do with the type of friends he or she is spending time with, this needs to be addressed. If it is his own insecurities or boredom, he ought to develop some new interests apart from the relationship or talk to a counselor who can help him work through some possible insecurities, fears, or boundary issues. Couples can also benefit from couples counseling as they establish healthy boundaries and build new friendships.

The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart. ~Elizabeth Foley

The better part of one's life consists of his friendships. ~Abraham Lincoln

A cheerful friend is like a sunny day spreading brightness all around. ~John Lubcock


Copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved. Written by Krystal Kuehn. NewDayCounseling.org



Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher and musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling Services, a family couples counseling center and BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and personal growth site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights and inspiration.




New Day Family Counseling provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, children therapy, teenage counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseing, porn addiction counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.


Self-Esteem Group for Teen Girls (ages 13-17)
Teen girls learn to feel empowered, gain self-awareness, develop positive coping, and improve daily problem-solving skills. Through G.I.R.L.S. (Girls in Real Life Situations) counseling curriculum, group discussion, and fun activities, girls will learn more about themselves and be better equipped to handle Real Life Situations. Call 248-649-8050 today to register. For more information, click here.

Love and Logic Parenting Classes help you with the most important job there is! You can learn practical tools & techniques for effective discipline, better communication, appropriate boundaries, healthy decision-making, & respectful adult-child relationships. Workshops are available at New Day Counseling in Troy. For more information or to register online go to: Love and Logic Parenting Class or call 248-649-8050.

Put an end to anger problems & regain control over your life today. Anger management classes help for personal, court, and business. For more info go to newdaycounseling.org or call to register today.




<< Back to Be Your Best Home