New Beginnings After Divorce

No one gets married thinking they will get divorced some day. Most people have goals and dreams of being together forever, raising a family, and sharing life for better or for worse. They plan on being a team, growing together, and supporting one another. But somewhere along the line, they hit bumps in the road. They come up against walls, floods, and storms. Their marriage is put to the test. They are challenged to work together on successfully making it through problems and restoring their relationship. But this doesn’t always happen. Sometimes one partner abandons the relationship and will not return. Or, there is abuse that destroys all love and respect. Whatever the reason, divorce happens.

Divorce is not an easy option. Rather, it is a very difficult and painful one. Sometimes it seems to be the best option or the healthiest one. Divorce changes lives forever. Its pain is deep and its loss is great. To get through it is a grieving process. There are emotions of anger, guilt, worry, and denial that are normal and part of the healing process. Accepting these feelings and talking to someone who cares and understands can help in making a healthy adjustment. It takes time to adjust to the many changes that you will face. You may have to adjust to changes in your housing, family finances, holidays and celebrations, and family traditions to name just a few.

Although divorce marks the end of a marriage, it is the beginning of a new life for you. The consequences and challenges can be faced with courage, hope, and peace. Divorce counseling can help you through the healing process. Divorce counseling can provide the support and guidance you need to make a healthy adjustment during this difficult time. You can enter this new phase of life with confidence. It does not have to destroy you. You can be free of guilt, fear, and shame. You can dream new dreams. You can embrace life and truly live and love again. You can be whole and happy. You can learn and become better. You can rise up in strength and see your best days ahead of you.


He who spends time regretting the past loses the present and risks the future. ~ Quevedo

Every day is a new beginning. Treat it that way. Stay away from what might have been, and look at what can be. ~ Marsha Petrie Sue






Copyright © 2009 Krystal Kuehn. New Day Family Couples Counseling.  All Rights Reserved






Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher & musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a family therapy center providers of divorce counseling and parenting classes, BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and inspirational site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights & words of inspiration to change your life, and Baby-Poems.com where you can find beautiful baby poems, baby quotes, cute sayings & baby videos that will touch your heart & increase your joy & gratitude for the children you love & enjoy! Krystal is also author of The 10 Keys to Happy and Loving Relationships and several other blogs: Give Thanks Journal, Baby Poems blog & Words of Inspiration blog.
 
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Living with Purpose & Vision

We can all live with purpose because there is so much to live for. There are things we can pursue, discover, or accomplish that fill our lives with meaning and purpose. We can have vision for our lives, dream dreams, and fulfill our callings. There is always something for us to do. Pursuing interests, developing skills, setting goals, and prioritizing our time all help us to grow and give us something to anticipate. We can make each day count and live with purpose.


Our values direct our behavior and the way we evaluate the world.  Our values determine who we are, how we spend our time, what’s important to us, our likes and dislikes, our attitudes, and so forth.  We make decisions based on our values every day.  Sometimes our values conflict with each other.  For example, spending time with our family may conflict with our work schedule which demands extensive hours. Clarifying our values helps us to understand which values are most important to us and the priorities we give to them.  This will help us to make decisions that are consistent to our values and that we are happy with.
 
Review the list of values provided below. Add anything to the list that best describes what is important to you. You will find that some values are very important to you while others are somewhat important or not important at all. Underline the values that are somewhat important, and circle the values that are very important to you. Review the values you circled and note your 3 most important values. Now ask yourself the following questions:


Why are these values important to me?

How do my values affect the decisions I make?

What, if any, conflicting values do I have? How do I deal with them?

How do my values affect the way I balance work, rest, and play?

How do I spend my time each day? Is it consistent with my priorities?

Does my lifestyle reflect my values? If not, what would I want to change?


Fame
Wealth
Status
Health
Friendships
Family
Marriage
Financial Security
Raising children
Work
Success
Happiness
Pleasure
Physical Appearance
Helping others
Fulfilling career
Making money
Respect
Education
Creative expression
Freedom
Independence
Popularity
Love
Community
Contribution
Fun and excitement
Reputation
Recreation
Spirituality
Social connections
Leisure
Change
Admiration


 
The Grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for. ~Allan K. Chalmers


Many people have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness.  It is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose. ~Helen Keller

It is the paradox of life that the way to miss pleasure is to seek it first. The very first condition of lasting happiness is that a life should be full of purpose, aiming at something outside self.  ~Hugo Black

Growth itself contains the germ of happiness. ~Pearl S. Buck

Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful. ~Albert Schewitzer



Copyright © 2007 Krystal Kuehn. All Rights Reserved. New Day Family & Couples Couseling Center


Taken from The 9 Habits of Happy People by Krystal Kuehn, Activity 1 of: Habit #7 What are You Living For? Practice Happiness by Living with Purpose.





Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher & musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a family marriage counseling, child teenage counseling center, BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and inspirational site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights & words of inspiration to change your life, and Baby-Poems.com where you can find beautiful baby poems, baby quotes, cute sayings & baby videos that will touch your heart & increase your joy & gratitude for the children you love & enjoy! Krystal is also author of several other blogs: Give Thanks Journal, Baby Poems & Words of Inspiration blog and The 10 Keys to Happy and Loving Relationships (kindle version from amazon, also available in pdf format).




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5 Steps to GOAL SETTING Success

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. ~Chinese proverb

Before we set out to accomplish anything at all, we must begin with a clear picture in our minds of already having achieved our goal. We wouldn’t even imagine trying to glue broken pieces of pottery back together without any idea of what it’s supposed to look like. So, why should we go through life without a clear purpose? Once we begin to visualize something, we can begin to figure out how to make it happen.

Following are steps to consider in setting goals:

A Clear Purpose

The first step is to have a clear vision of what you want to accomplish. Consider the lifestyle you want to live, your motives, and your priorities. Recall what others have confirmed as your gifts and talents. Think about what you are passionate about. Create a clear picture in your mind and see yourself having reached your goal. Imagine what you would be doing and what life would be like for you. Think about what it means to you to fulfill your goals.

A Course of Action

Once you have a clear purpose, it is time to take action in setting goals and in achieving them. The best way to begin is to make your goals measurable, and organize your objectives by writing them down. Before any building is ever built, a blueprint is drawn. Without it there would be no plan or direction in what do, how to do it, or what materials to use. In the same way, life goals need a clear course of action.

Think of the first steps you must take to achieve your goals. Now write down at least 3 short-term goals and 3 long-term goals. Some short-term goals can be daily or weekly. Record deadlines for each goal, and be sure to check them off when they are reached. This will give you a sense of accomplishment and help you stay motivated. Each new goal you set will give you hope and anticipation for its fulfillment. And with each step you take, you will grow and accomplish new things.


Creating S.M.A.R.T. Goals

S = Specific [answer the questions - Who? What? Where? When? How?]

Example-

General goal = Lose Weight

Specific goal = My goal is to join Jake's Fitness Center next week on Monday, February 18th and begin working out 3 days a week [Mon, Tues, Sat].


M = Measurable [How much? How many?]

Example- My goal is to lose 10 lbs (2 lbs a week).


A = Achievable [you can attain most any goal you set if you plan wisely, persist and stay motivated]


R = Realistic [answer the questions - Can I accomplish this? Do I have the ability and skills needed?]


T = Timely [set time frames for each goal]


Example- My goal is to lose a total of 10 lbs starting March 1st for 5 weeks ending April 5th.




Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action. ~Bebhanub Disraeli


Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. ~Mark Twain




Copyright © 2007 Krystal Kuehn. All Rights Reserved. New Day Family & Couples Couseling Center
Taken from The 9 Habits of Happy People by Krystal Kuehn, Activity 2 of: Habit #7 What are You Living For? Practice Happiness by Living with Purpose.


Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher & musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a family marriage counseling, child teenage counseling center, BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and inspirational site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights & words of inspiration to change your life, and Baby-Poems.com where you can find beautiful baby poems, baby quotes, cute sayings & baby videos that will touch your heart & increase your joy & gratitude for the children you love & enjoy! Krystal is also author of several other blogs: Give Thanks Journal, Baby Poems & Words of Inspiration blog and The 10 Keys to Happy and Loving Relationships (kindle version from amazon, also available in pdf format).





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