Discover True Self-Confidence & Strength in Humility

A humble person is certainly a pleasant person to be around and that is because humble people are not self-centered or self-seeking. They are modest and not at all arrogant or boastful. They do not draw attention to themselves, but they are drawn to others. They do not need praise and approval to feel good about themselves. When they are overlooked, they are not driven by frustration to make themselves known. When their good intentions are ridiculed, they are able to keep from retaliating. They can humbly submit to one of less stature than themselves, if necessary, without rebellion or resentment.

Humility is love unseen.  It is love that is veiled and not directly recognized, yet humility is motivated by love.  A person who is genuinely humble doesn’t think they are better or more important than other people.  They have proper respect for everyone regardless of who they are or what they have done.  That doesn’t mean that they allow others to take advantage of them.  Nor does it mean that they lack confidence and fear asserting themselves.  Sometimes people confuse humility with weakness and blind compliance, or even assume that someone who degrades themselves is a humble person.  This is certainly not the case.  It takes great strength to live a life of humility. 

Humility communicates love.  Humble people are:

* Ready to admit when they are wrong
* Willing to say they are sorry
* Not afraid to ask for help when they need it
* Patient when misunderstood
* Not fearful of what others think about them
* Confident in who they are and don’t feel a need to prove themselves
* Teachable and willing to learn from their mistakes
* Not judgmental of others or backbiters
* Not easily offended



Most people find it difficult to humble themselves or even admit when they have been humbled. It can be extremely uncomfortable and it hurts our pride. It is so much easier to defend ourselves and blame others, and to exalt and try to prove ourselves. Humility is certainly a challenge to most people. It can be a real stumbling block in our love walk, or it can become a stepping stone to greater love if we will allow it to be.


REFLECTION:

Do I have pre-conceived notions of humility that are inaccurate (such as humility is weakness)?

What does it really mean to be humble?

Do I know anyone who communicates their love through humility? Give examples.

What do I find most challenging in expressing love through humility?

What attributes of humility do I most admire? Why?

Do I want to be a more humble person? What areas of my life need the most work?


EMPOWERING THOUGHTS & AFFIRMATIONS

Nobody likes to be wrong because it forces us to face our inadequacies.

I can admit my mistakes and learn from them.


Love measures our stature: the more we love, the bigger we are. There is no smaller package in all the world than that of a man all wrapped up in himself. ~William Sloane Coffin Jr.


True humility is intelligent self respect which keeps us from thinking too highly or too meanly of ourselves. It makes us modest by reminding us how far we have come short of what we can be. ~Ralph W. Sockman


Pride leads to disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. ~Proverbs 11:2

 
CLICK HERE for: Free Printable Worksheet



Taken from The 10 Keys to Happy & Loving Relationships Part 7 (Love is Humble) by Krystal Kuehn, BeHappy4Life.com

Copyright © 2006, 2010 Krystal Kuehn. All Rights Reserved. New Day Counseling Center


Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher & musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a family couples counseling and child teen counseling center, BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and inspirational site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights & words of inspiration to change your life, and Baby-Poems.com where you can find beautiful baby poems, baby quotes, cute sayings & baby videos that will touch your heart & increase your joy & gratitude for the children you love & enjoy! Check out Krystal's other blogs: Give Thanks Journal, Baby Poems blog and Words of Inspiration blog!



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Envy & Jealousy - How They Rob Our Security & Contentment

Although similar in many ways, jealousy and envy are not the same. Deep insecurities often lie at the root of jealousy. When someone is jealous they are afraid of losing something. They try to guard and protect what they fear losing. In doing so, they may become very possessive, competitive, and resentful. For example, they might be jealous of someone they fear can steal their boyfriend’s heart away from them, someone who got the promotion they worked hard for, or the person who got the praise and adoration they felt they deserved.


Jealousy can be fear of losing any of the following:

* self-respect and respect of others

* love and affection

* a cherished relationship

* position or promotion

* a desired opportunity

* a valued material possession

* attention and admiration

* confidence and self-worth

Envy also includes feelings of resentment, but it is rooted in discontent rather than fear. Feelings of dissatisfaction can cause a person to become envious of those who have what they believe they need to satisfy or fulfill them. So they desire the possessions or qualities of another. It could be their appearance, popularity, job, home, reputation, lifestyle, health, experience, and so forth. Just as with jealousy, the envy they experience can cause them to become angry and bitter.

Jealousy can turn into envy and envy can turn into jealousy. Both can be experienced together, and both are potentially destructive. They can ruin relationships and aspirations and make you miserable. They can keep you from trusting others and feeling secure about yourself. They can prevent you from being happy for someone when they get ahead or succeed. Jealousy and envy are common experiences known to all people. Even the most loving people are jealous or envious sometimes. But they do not have to rob you of love in your life. Security can replace the fear that fuels jealousy, and contentment can replace the discontent that stirs envy.


REFLECTION:

* What am I most afraid of losing? How have I tried to guard it?

* In what area(s) of my life do I feel dissatisfied?

* What types of qualities in others do I wish I had?

* Recall a time when jealousy or envy has caused you to resent someone. How did you resolve your feelings?

* How do I feel when others succeed and get ahead?

* How has jealousy and envy kept me from loving others?

* When do I feel most content with my life?

* When do I feel most secure in myself?

 

EMPOWERING THOUGHTS & AFFIRMATIONS:        

Comparing ourselves with others often causes us to feel superior or inferior to them.

I can appreciate individual differences and be thankful for what I have and who I am.

I choose to face my fears and insecurities and release them.

I choose to be thankful and content with my blessings.

I choose to be content with who I am as I continually aim to be my best.

The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves. ~William Penn

Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them. ~Jennifer James

Jealousy injures us with the dagger of self-doubt. ~Terri Guillemets

Envy is the art of counting the other fellow's blessings instead of your own. ~Harold Coffin

Envy is a symptom of lack of appreciation of our own uniqueness and self worth. Each of us has something to give that no one else has. ~Elizabeth O'Connor

CLICK HERE for: Free Printable Worksheet

 

Taken from The 10 Keys to Happy & Loving Relationships Part 6 (Love is Not Jealous or Envious) by Krystal Kuehn, BeHappy4Life.com

Copyright © 2006, 2010 Krystal Kuehn. All Rights Reserved. New Day Counseling Center


Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher & musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a family couples counseling and child teen counseling center, BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and inspirational site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights & words of inspiration to change your life, and Baby-Poems.com where you can find beautiful baby poems, baby quotes, cute sayings & baby videos that will touch your heart & increase your joy & gratitude for the children you love & enjoy! Check out Krystal's other blogs: Give Thanks Journal, Baby Poems blog and Words of Inspiration blog!



<< Back to Be Your Best New Day Counseling Center home

10 Simple Ways We Can Show Others They Matter

Everyone likes to be treated with respect. People like to feel that they are important and really matter to others. And if they truly are important and matter, then they expect to be treated accordingly. Everyone wants to know that someone cares enough to think about them and consider their needs and feelings. This can make a person feel truly valued, special, and important.

Consideration is demonstrated in the way we behave toward others. It is not only in what we say and do, but it is also in the way we say and do things. It is in our tone of voice, facial expressions, and gestures. We are considerate whenever we are courteous, thoughtful, respectful and polite in our manner and attitude.

We would not behave rudely or impolitely if we wanted to treat someone with consideration and respect. Rather, we would be mindful of how our behavior would affect them. To consider is to think about carefully. When we care enough about others’ feelings and interests, we are considerate of them. And it will show in how we treat them.

Consideration communicates love in many ways, such as when we…

1.  Put others’ needs before our own

2.  Are sensitive to others' feelings

3.  Are respectful of the thoughts, opinions and ideas of others

4.  Have kind and affectionate thoughts toward someone

5.  Validate others and let them know they are heard

6.  Use our words wisely and carefully

7.  Are polite and courteous without needing a reason to be

8.  Show proper respect for people even when we think they don’t deserve it

9.  Convey generosity that is heard in our voice and seen in our eyes

10. Express genuine thankfulness and appreciation for others in our words and actions


More than anything else, consideration takes some thought. It occurs when we think of others as worthy of our time and attention, and we choose to invest ourselves in them.

REFLECTION:

* To whom and in what situations am I most considerate? Inconsiderate?

* Do I believe all people should be respected? Do I think they need to earn respect? Explain.

* Do I consider others’ feelings and needs when making a decision that affects them? Why or why not?

* Would people describe me as polite and courteous? Why or why not?

* Who do I feel is thoughtful of me? How does that make me feel?


EMPOWERING THOUGHTS & AFFIRMATIONS:

We spend more time thinking about ourselves—what we want, how we feel, and what we think—than any other person.
I can choose to think of others rather than only myself.
I can choose to consider someone else's needs and desires.
I can choose to consider someone else's opinions and ideas.
I can choose to consider some else's feelings.
I can choose to be considerate in my words and actions.
 
 

The habit of being uniformly considerate toward others will bring increased happiness to you. ~Grenville Kleiser

Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you - not because they are nice, but because you are. ~Author Unknown

When you look for the good in others, you discover the best in yourself.
~Martin Walsh

Do you value people who won't benefit you or only those who might contribute in some way to your success? Great team players truly value others as people, and they know and relate to what others value.--John C. Maxwell

The more you love, the more you are given to love with.  ~Lucien Price

Copyright © 2006, 2010 Krystal Kuehn. All Rights Reserved. New Day Counseling Center

 
Taken from The 10 Keys to Happy & Loving Relationships Part 5 (Love is Considerate) by Krystal Kuehn, BeHappy4Life.com

 

CLICK HERE for: Free Printable Worksheet



Copyright © 2007, 2010 Krystal Kuehn. All Rights Reserved. New Day Counseling Center




Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher & musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a family couples counseling and child teen counseling center, BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and inspirational site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights & words of inspiration to change your life, and Baby-Poems.com where you can find beautiful baby poems, baby quotes, cute sayings & baby videos that will touch your heart & increase your joy & gratitude for the children you love & enjoy! Check out Krystal's other blogs: Give Thanks Journal, Baby Poems blog and Words of Inspiration blog!




<< Back to Be Your Best New Day Counseling Center home

Breaking Down Barriers & Opening Hearts with Kindness

Saying we love is one thing but showing it is quite another. You may have heard, “If you love me, show me and I will know it by what you do and how you treat me.” Love calls for action. It demands evidence. One recognizable way of putting love into action is through kindness. Kindness is an active expression of love. It is demonstrated by doing something good. Kindness reaches out first. It takes the initiative in being considerate or helpful.

Giving is the hallmark of kindness. Kindness is…generosity in giving and sharing of oneself to benefit someone or something. It is freely and willingly devoting one’s time and attention to another. It is showing that you understand and want to listen and be supportive. There is something about kindness that makes a person feel good. Kindness arouses all kinds of pleasant emotions. It is tender-hearted and makes people feel loved and cared for. Its warmth comforts and envelops the soul.

Kindness communicates love. You experience it whenever…

Someone cares enough to help you.

Someone puts your needs above their own.

You are given favor without asking.

You are the recipient of a warm and friendly smile.

You are given someone’s undivided attention.

You feel understood and cared for.

Someone is sensitive and considerate of your feelings.

Without kindness people would be more concerned with what they can get rather than what they can give. They would think primarily of their own interests and put them above others. However, where there is kindness acts of love abound. People do amazing things as they give freely and generously. Their kindness begets more kindness and keeps love alive in their lives. You, too, can keep love alive in your life with even the smallest acts of kindness.

 
REFLECTION:
 
Would I describe myself as a kind person? Why or why not?

When I give is it done freely and generously? Explain.

Do I usually take the first step in being kind or do I wait for someone else to take the initiative?

In what ways do I usually express kindness toward others?

Am I sensitive to the needs of others? How do I show it?

How can my acts of kindness show someone I love them?

Is there someone to whom I can show kindness in order to communicate my love for them? If so, what might I do?

 
EMPOWERING THOUGHTS & AFFIRMATIONS:

People often seem to be more concerned with what they can get rather than what they can give.  I choose to be a giver.

I can enjoy the rewards that come from giving.

I choose to put love and respect into action today.

I choose to speak kind words to others.

Love and kindness are never wasted. They always make a difference. They bless the one who receives them, and they bless you, the giver. ~Barbara De Angelis

Kind words can be short and easy to speak but their echoes are truly endless. ~Mother Teresa

Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate. ~Albert Schweitzer

When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace. ~Tenzin Gyatso

Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God's kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile. ~Mother Theresa

CLICK HERE for: Free Printable Worksheet


Taken from The 10 Keys to Happy & Loving Relationships Part 4 (Love is Kind) by Krystal Kuehn, BeHappy4Life.com




Copyright © 2007, 2010 Krystal Kuehn. All Rights Reserved. New Day Counseling Center


Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher & musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a family couples counseling and child teen counseling center, BeHappy4Life.com, an award-winning, self-help and inspirational site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights & words of inspiration to change your life, and Baby-Poems.com where you can find beautiful baby poems, baby quotes, cute sayings & baby videos that will touch your heart & increase your joy & gratitude for the children you love & enjoy! Check out Krystal's other blogs: Give Thanks Journal, Baby Poems blog and Words of Inspiration blog!



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