Failure--It's All How You Approach It

Following are contrasting ways that people approach failure. 

Look at the list and answer: How do I approach failure? 

What are some ways I can improve and change the way I experience failure?

Blaming Others............................versus.......Taking Responsibility
Repeating the Same Mistakes......versus........Learning From Each Mistake
Expecting Never to Fail Again... ...versus.......Knowing Failure is a Part of Progress
Expecting to Continually Fail..... ..versus.......Maintaining a Positive Attitude
Accepting Tradition Blindly...... ...versus.......Challenging Outdated Assumptions
Being Limited by Past Mistakes...versus.......Taking New Risks
Thinking, I am a Failure...............versus.......Believing Something Didn't Work  
Accepting Quitting.......................versus.......Persevering

Failing Forward by John Maxwell

People can trace thier successes and failures to the relationships in thier lives....Many people fall into the trap of taking relationships for granted.  That's not good, because our ability to build and maintain healthy relationships is the single most important factor in how we get along in every area of life. ~John Maxwell

International Best Seller: The 10 Keys to Happy and Loving Relationships provides essential tools to help you understand relationships and how to make them more fulfilling, harmonious and successful. You will be taken on a personal journey to discover how you communicate the 10 key attributes of love as you relate to others. You will be empowered with tools to replace unhealthy patterns with new, healthy and effective ways to communicate, connect and love others. And you will discover how to communicate and experience genuine love and true happiness in ways that will change you, your relationships and your life forever!

Click here to see inside the book.


New Day Counseling is a family couples counseling center that provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, child therapy, adolescent counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseling, porn addiction counseling, substance abuse counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.


Put an end to anger problems & regain control over your life today. Anger management classes help for personal, court, and business. For more info go to newdaycounseling.org or call 248-649-8050 to register today. * Anger management classes and/or individual anger counseling can be extremely supportive and helpful in equipping us with many tools for a better life.

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What is Your Love Language? Part 5 of 5

You can give without loving, but you can never love without giving. ~unknown

The heart of the giver makes the gift dear and precious. ~ Martin Luther

Does your partner feel loved by you? Do your children believe you love them? How about you, do you feel loved? If you are not speaking the same language with your partner, children, or others, then sincere feelings and true love can be easily missed! That is because love and affection can be demonstrated in many different ways. To some, words that affirm feelings and beliefs most strongly convey love. To others, physical symbols such as gifts speak loudest.

According to Dr. Gary Chapman, there are 5 fundamental languages of love (Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch and Gifts). We all have a primary love language--one that makes us feel loved more than any other.

Following is Part Two of the 5 love languages. Which language speaks to your heart the most? How about your partner, children, friends? We often communicate our own primary love language to others and hope they will understand the love and affection we are trying to communicate. For example, if my love language is words of affirmation and yours is quality time, you might not feel loved no matter what words I say to you if you do not feel I am spending enough time with you.

Even if we are communicating our affection with all of our heart, and it is not in the language that our partner can understand, he or she may not feel loved. If we will learn to speak one another's love language in the way that we can understand, we will experience the love we need from one another.

Love Language 4:  Gifts

This love language is a physical symbol that your partner is thinking about you.

A gift doesn't have to be expensive or fancy.  It can be anything that reminds your partner that you are thinking about him/her.



For information about Dr. Chapman's book: The 5 Love Languages, click here.


It isn't the size of the gift that matters, but the size of the heart that gives it. ~Eileen Elias Freeman

May no gift be too small to give, nor too simple to receive, which is wrapped in thoughtfulness, and tied with love. ~ L.O. Baird


A wise lover values not so much the gift of the lover as the love of the giver. ~Thomas á Kempis
The paradox of gifts: I know what I have given you. I do not know what you have received. ~Dr. SunWolf

The manner of giving is worth more than the gift. ~Pierre Corneille

International Best Seller: The 10 Keys to Happy and Loving Relationships provides essential tools to help you understand relationships and how to make them more fulfilling, harmonious and successful. You will be taken on a personal journey to discover how you communicate the 10 key attributes of love as you relate to others. You will be empowered with tools to replace unhealthy patterns with new, healthy and effective ways to communicate, connect and love others. And you will discover how to communicate and experience genuine love and true happiness in ways that will change you, your relationships and your life forever!

Click here to see inside the book.


New Day Counseling is a family couples counseling center that provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, child therapy, adolescent counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseling, porn addiction counseling, substance abuse counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.


Put an end to anger problems & regain control over your life today. Anger management classes help for personal, court, and business. For more info go to newdaycounseling.org or call 248-649-8050 to register today. * Anger management classes and/or individual anger counseling can be extremely supportive and helpful in equipping us with many tools for a better life.

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What is Your Love Language? Part 4 of 5

If you want to make good use of your time, you’ve got to know what’s most important and then give it all you’ve got. ~Lee Iacocca

Lost wealth may be replaced by industry, lost knowledge by study, lost health by temperance or medicine, but lost time is gone forever. ~Samuel Smiles

Time is at once the most valuable and the most perishable of all our possessions. ~John Randolph

What is Your Love Language?

Does your partner feel loved by you? Do your children believe you love them? How about you, do you feel loved? If you are not speaking the same language with your partner, children, or others, then sincere feelings and true love can be easily missed! That is because love and affection can be demonstrated in many different ways. To some, words that affirm feelings and beliefs most strongly convey love. To others, physical symbols such as gifts speak loudest.

According to Dr. Gary Chapman, there are 5 fundamental languages of love (Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch and Gifts). We all have a primary love language--one that makes us feel loved more than any other.

Following is Part Two of the 5 love languages. Which language speaks to your heart the most? How about your partner, children, friends? We often communicate our own primary love language to others and hope they will understand the love and affection we are trying to communicate. For example, if my love language is words of affirmation and yours is quality time, you might not feel loved no matter what words I say to you if you do not feel I am spending enough time with you.

Even if we are communicating our affection with all of our heart, and it is not in the language that our partner can understand, he or she may not feel loved. If we will learn to speak one another's love language in the way that we can understand, we will experience the love we need from one another.

Love Language 4:  Quality Time


This love language is about giving your partner your time and focused attention.

Examples include: talking, enjoying an activity together with the focus being on being together and not on the activity itself, talking a walk, going out to eat and talking (just two of you)


For information about Dr. Chapman's book: The 5 Love Languages, click here.

Time = life; therefore, waste your time and waste of your life, or master your time and master your life. ~Alan Lakein

The key is in not spending time, but in investing it. ~Stephen R. Covey

In truth, people can generally make time for what they choose to do; it is not really the time but the will that is lacking. ~Sir John Lubbock

Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of. ~Benjamin Franklin

Time is an equal opportunity employer. Each human being has exactly the same number of hours and minutes every day. Rich people can't buy more hours. Scientists can't invent new minutes. And you can't save time to spend it on another day. Even so, time is amazingly fair and forgiving. No matter how much time you've wasted in the past, you still have an entire tomorrow. ~Denis Waitely

Your children can be around you all day, but if you don't spend quality time with them and you don't pay attention to them and talk to them and listen to them, it doesn't matter that they're just around you. ~Brandy Norwood

International Best Seller: The 10 Keys to Happy and Loving Relationships provides essential tools to help you understand relationships and how to make them more fulfilling, harmonious and successful. You will be taken on a personal journey to discover how you communicate the 10 key attributes of love as you relate to others. You will be empowered with tools to replace unhealthy patterns with new, healthy and effective ways to communicate, connect and love others. And you will discover how to communicate and experience genuine love and true happiness in ways that will change you, your relationships and your life forever!

Click here to see inside the book.


New Day Counseling is a family couples counseling center that provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, child therapy, adolescent counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseling, porn addiction counseling, substance abuse counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.


Put an end to anger problems & regain control over your life today. Anger management classes help for personal, court, and business. For more info go to newdaycounseling.org or call 248-649-8050 to register today. * Anger management classes and/or individual anger counseling can be extremely supportive and helpful in equipping us with many tools for a better life.

<<< Back to Be Your Best Blog Home

What is Your Love Language? Part 3 of 5

Don't say you love me unless you really mean it, because I might do something crazy like believe it.  ~Anonymous

If you love someone tell them... because hearts are often broken by words left unspoken. ~Pamela Daranjo

What is Your Love Language?

Does your partner feel loved by you? Do your children believe you love them? How about you, do you feel loved? If you are not speaking the same language with your partner, children, or others, then sincere feelings and true love can be easily missed! That is because love and affection can be demonstrated in many different ways. To some, words that affirm feelings and beliefs most strongly convey love. To others, physical symbols such as gifts speak loudest.

According to Dr. Gary Chapman, there are 5 fundamental languages of love (Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch and Gifts). We all have a primary love language--one that makes us feel loved more than any other.

Following is Part Three of the 5 love languages. Which language speaks to your heart the most? How about your partner, children, friends? We often communicate our own primary love language to others and hope they will understand the love and affection we are trying to communicate. For example, if my love language is words of affirmation and yours is quality time, you might not feel loved no matter what words I say to you if you do not feel I am spending enough time with you.

Even if we are communicating our affection with all of our heart, and it is not in the language that our partner can understand, he or she may not feel loved. If we will learn to speak one another's love language in the way that we can understand, we will experience the love we need from one another.

Love Language 3:  Words of Affirmation

This love language is about using words to affirm your love. 

Examples include: 
I love you
I really appreciate....
You are so beautiful/you're really hot
You did a nice job
You come up with great ideas
What I love about you is...

For information about Dr. Chapman's book: The 5 Love Languages, click here.

Words so innocent and powerless… when standing in a dictionary, how potent for good or evil they become in the hands of one who knows how to combine them. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne

Perhaps you will never forget tomorrow the kind words you say today, but the recipient may cherish them for a lifetime. ~Dale Carnegie

Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are endless. ~Mother Theresa

Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones.

~Proverbs 16:24

Watch your manner of speech if you want to develop a peaceful state of mind. Start each day by affirming peaceful, contented and happy attitudes and your days will tend to be pleasant and successful. ~Norman Vincent Peale

International Best Seller: The 10 Keys to Happy and Loving Relationships provides essential tools to help you understand relationships and how to make them more fulfilling, harmonious and successful. You will be taken on a personal journey to discover how you communicate the 10 key attributes of love as you relate to others. You will be empowered with tools to replace unhealthy patterns with new, healthy and effective ways to communicate, connect and love others. And you will discover how to communicate and experience genuine love and true happiness in ways that will change you, your relationships and your life forever!

Click here to see inside the book.


New Day Counseling is a family couples counseling center that provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, child therapy, adolescent counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseling, porn addiction counseling, substance abuse counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.


Put an end to anger problems & regain control over your life today. Anger management classes help for personal, court, and business. For more info go to newdaycounseling.org or call 248-649-8050 to register today. * Anger management classes and/or individual anger counseling can be extremely supportive and helpful in equipping us with many tools for a better life.

<<< Back to Be Your Best Blog Home

What is Your Love Language? Part 2 of 5



Does your partner feel loved by you? Do your children believe you love them? How about you, do you feel loved? If you are not speaking the same language with your partner, children, or others, then sincere feelings and true love can be easily missed! That is because love and affection can be demonstrated in many different ways. To some, words that affirm and encourage most strongly convey love. To others, physical symbols such as gifts speak loudest.

According to Dr. Gary Chapman, there are 5 fundamental languages of love (Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch and Gifts). We all have a primary love language--one that makes us feel loved more than any other.

Following is Part Two of the 5 love languages. Which language speaks to your heart the most? How about your partner, children, friends? We often communicate our own primary love language to others and hope they will understand the love and affection we are trying to communicate. For example, if my love language is words of affirmation and yours is quality time, you might not feel loved no matter what words I say to you if you do not feel I am spending enough time with you.

Even if we are communicating our affection with all of our heart, and it is not in the language that our partner can understand, he or she may not feel loved. If we will learn to speak one another's love language in the way that we can understand, we will experience the love we need from one another.

Love Language 2:  Physical Touch

This love language is about touching in a loving, affirming way.

Examples include: holding hands, kissing, hugging, sex, running hands through hair, tickling, rubbing back or shoulders



WHAT EACH KISS MEANS
- Kiss on the Forehead: We're cute together .
- Kiss on the Cheek: We're friends.
- Kiss on the Hand: I adore you.
- Kiss on the Neck: I want you, now.
- Kiss on the Shoulder: Your perfect.
- Kiss on the Lips: I LOVE YOU...

WHAT EACH GESTURE MEANS:
- Holding Hands: We definitely like each other.
- Holding you tight pressed against each other: I want you.
- Looking into each other's Eyes: I like you, for who you are.
- Playing with Hair: Let's fool around.
- Arms around the Waist: I like you too much to let go.
- Laughing while Kissing: I am completely comfortable with you.
 From the BoardofWisdom.com


We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift. ~Marilyn Monroe

We don't love others when we find them beautiful,  we find others beautiful when we love them. ~Josei Toda

I will reveal to you a love potion, without medicine, without herbs, without any witch's magic; if you want to be loved, then love. ~Hecato of Rhodes

To learn more about love languages and for information about Dr. Chapman's book: The 5 Love Languages, click here.

 

International Best Seller: The 10 Keys to Happy and Loving Relationships provides essential tools to help you understand relationships and how to make them more fulfilling, harmonious and successful. You will be taken on a personal journey to discover how you communicate the 10 key attributes of love as you relate to others. You will be empowered with tools to replace unhealthy patterns with new, healthy and effective ways to communicate, connect and love others. And you will discover how to communicate and experience genuine love and true happiness in ways that will change you, your relationships and your life forever!

Click here to see inside the book.


New Day Counseling is a family couples counseling center that provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, child therapy, adolescent counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseling, porn addiction counseling, substance abuse counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.


Put an end to anger problems & regain control over your life today. Anger management classes help for personal, court, and business. For more info go to newdaycounseling.org or call 248-649-8050 to register today. * Anger management classes and/or individual anger counseling can be extremely supportive and helpful in equipping us with many tools for a better life.

<<< Back to Be Your Best Blog Home

What is Your Love Language? Part 1 of 5

Does your partner feel loved by you?  Do your children believe you love them?  How about you, do you feel loved?  If you are not speaking the same language with your partner, children, or others, then sincere feelings and true love can be easily missed!  That is because love and affection can be demonstrated in many different ways.  To some, words that affirm feelings and beliefs most strongly convey love. To others, physical symbols such as gifts speak loudest. 

According to Dr. Gary Chapman, there are 5 fundamental languages of love (Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch and Gifts).  We all have a primary love language--one that makes us feel loved more than any other. 

Following is Part One of the 5 love languages.  Which language speaks to your heart the most?  How about your partner, children, friends?  We often communicate our own primary love language to others and hope they will understand the love and affection we are trying to communicate.  For example, if my love language is words of affirmation and yours is quality time, you might not feel loved no matter what words I say to you if you do not feel I am spending enough time with you. 

Even if we are communicating our love and affection with all our heart,  and it is not in the language that our partner can understand, he or she may not feel loved.  If we will learn to speak one another's love language in the way that we can understand, we will experience the love we need from one another. 

Love Language 1:  ACTS OF SERVICE

This love language is about doing something that your partner would like you to do. 

Examples include: fixing the computer, washing dishes, ironing clothes, taking the dog for a walk, cooking, washing the car,  picking something up at the store

For information about Dr. Chapman's book: The 5 Love Languages, click here.

Well done is better than well said.  ~ Benjamin Franklin

Imperfect Action is better than no action. ~Giovanna Garcia

You see, in life, lots of people know what to do, but few people actually do what they know. Knowing is not enough! You must take action.  - Anthony Robbins

    

International Best Seller: The 10 Keys to Happy and Loving Relationships provides essential tools to help you understand relationships and how to make them more fulfilling, harmonious and successful. You will be taken on a personal journey to discover how you communicate the 10 key attributes of love as you relate to others. You will be empowered with tools to replace unhealthy patterns with new, healthy and effective ways to communicate, connect and love others. And you will discover how to communicate and experience genuine love and true happiness in ways that will change you, your relationships and your life forever!

Click here to look inside the book.


New Day Counseling is a family couples counseling center that provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, child therapy, adolescent counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseling, porn addiction counseling, substance abuse counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.


Put an end to anger problems & regain control over your life today. Anger management classes help for personal, court, and business. For more info go to newdaycounseling.org or call 248-649-8050 to register today. * Anger management classes and/or individual anger counseling can be extremely supportive and helpful in equipping us with many tools for a better life.

<<< Back to Be Your Best Blog Home

7 Reasons Why Setting New Goals Enriches Your Life

One thing I absolutely love about a new year, or a new day for that matter, is that it gives us a fresh start to set new goals and implement new plans to pursue and achieve. I have recently set some new goals that have been keeping me very busy, motivated, and excited. One of my many goals began about several months ago. I decided to get in better physically shape by exercising more and cutting back on sugar.  I began a kettle bells program, stuck with it, and now I am finally seeing the results I wanted.

Fitness has been just one of my goals. I have set others as well and I am amazed at how focused and motivated they keep  me. One thing I believe is that we must set goals for the things we love to do. Personally, my musical goals keep me interested, challenged, and provide a lot of fun and enjoyment in my life.  We all need a healthy balance of work and play. I encourage everyone to add pleasurable activities and goals to their lives as much as possible.

Setting new goals can be very exciting and rewarding. I was recently thinking about the many reasons I am thankful for new goals. Goal setting has many benefits! I came up with 7, but I am sure there are many more. Please feel free to add to the list.

1. Goals give us something to look forward to, anticipate, expect.
2. Goals require us to make plans that we can pursue and achieve.
3. Goals help to refine our focus and vision.
4. Goals can spark our dreams and hopes and help us move toward them.
5. Goals give us the opportunity to learn, grow, change and improve.
6. Goals keep us moving forward.
7. Goals keep us busy, occupied and productive.

Setting new goals is a great way to start the new year and it is something we can do every day. For specific steps, go to my article: 5 Steps to Goal Setting Successful.


Your goals are the road maps that guide you and show you what is possible for your life. ~Les Brown

If you don't know where you are going, you'll end up someplace else. ~Yogi Berra

Life can be pulled by goals just as surely as it can be pushed by drives. ~Viktor Frankl

There is no happiness except in the realization that we have accomplished something. ~Henry Ford

Our plans miscarry because they have no aim. When a man does not know what harbor he is making for, no wind is the right wind. ~Seneca

It is not enough to take steps which may some day lead to a goal; each step must be itself a goal and a step likewise. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe


Copyright © 2012 Krystal Kuehn, New Day Family and Couples Counseling Center. All Rights Reserved.


Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a licensed professional counselor, author, teacher, and musician. She specializes in helping people live their best life now, reach their full potential, overcome barriers, heal from their past, and develop a lifestyle of health, happiness, and love. Krystal is the cofounder of NewDayCounseling.org, a relationship counseling, family counseling center, specializing in helping individuals, couples and families with professional counseling services for relationship problems, parenting issues, depression, anxiety as well a s substance abuse classes, anger management groups, and more. Krystal is also cofounder of StopSuicideSong.com NewSongProductions.com and Facebook.com/WordsOfInspiration.

Krystal is also author of The 10 Keys to Happy and Loving Relationships, Giving Thanks:


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DATING TIPS on CONVERSATION

Conversation is probably the most important part of your dating experience.  Sure, looking your best and having a good attitude matter, but most of your time together will in some way be spend in conversation.  Following are a few tips to make your conversations more interesting, comfortable, and enjoyable.  

♥ Have a good balance of talking and listening.  If you tend to be talkative, remember to ask more questions and take time to listen to your date.  If you tend to be on the quieter side, elaborating more on things can help you get in the flow of conversation.

♥ Be comfortable with times of silence. It is okay if there are moments when no one is talking.  You do not need to try to force conversation.  Let these be moments to simply be and allow new thoughts to flow naturally.

♥ If you feel stuck on what to talk about remember that familiar things such as hobbies, music, sports, pets, family and current events are great conversation starters.  They are also a good way to discover common interests.

♥ Accentuate your positive qualities. Do not put yourself down.  This only shows a lack of confidence and self-esteem.  You have strengths that you can be confident in.  Let them shine through.  It is not necessary to brag or show-off.  Arrogance is not very appealing and attractive. Confidence and humility are.

As you get to know each other, remember that the best way to impress your date is to be yourself. If you are okay with who you are, others will be too. You do not need to prove yourself, just be yourself!


It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. ~Samuel Butler

There is only one happiness in life: to love and be loved. ~George Sand

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me. I love you for that part of me you bring out. -~Roy Croft


Copyright © 2012 New Day Family Marriage Counseling written by Krystal Kuehn


Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a licensed professional counselor, author, teacher, and musician. She specializes in helping people live their best life now, reach their full potential, overcome barriers, heal from their past, and develop a lifestyle of health, happiness, and love. Krystal is the cofounder of NewDayCounseling.org, a relationship counseling, family counseling center, specializing in helping individuals, couples and families with professional counseling services for relationship problems, parenting issues, depression, anxiety as well a s substance abuse classes, anger management groups, and more. Krystal is also cofounder of StopSuicideSong.com NewSongProductions.com and Facebook.com/WordsOfInspiration.


For relationship success tips:  The 10 Keys to Happy & Loving Relationships


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Making Peace with Your Past

The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect he becomes an adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; the day he forgives himself he becomes wise. ~Alden Nowlan

Are regrets, bad memories, or losses keeping you from enjoying each new day? Is the past keeping you from moving into the future with hope and anticipation?

I recently heard a man say that it was not until he made peace with his past that he truly began to live. It changed his life so drastically that everyone noticed there was something different about him. It was not until 20 years after losing his father that he began to grieve the loss for the first time. He finally allowed himself to face his past with all the anger and pain. There was so much that he missed out on. There were lost opportunities and things that would never be, so many regrets, poor choices, and bad experiences that would affect the rest of his life.

This man went through a process of acceptance and forgiveness. He felt the pain. He felt the anger. He mourned what was and could have been. And then, he released it. He made peace with his past, and he was ready to move on with his life. Suddenly, new opportunities before him became exciting. He began to fully appreciate what he had, the people in his life, and what he had become. He began to hope for a better and brighter future. He was ready to give more of himself to others. And he began to enjoy his life more and more.

For the first time since he could remember, he felt free—free of burdens from the past, free of unresolved pain, free of bitterness and self-pity. He was free indeed! He was free to enjoy his life, his family, and all that he had like never before. The past would no longer steal his joy and hope. It could not hold him back, and it was not going to keep him down any longer.

Is your past keeping you from fully enjoying your life? Sometimes we do not stop and think about it. Just like the man described above, we might have regrets, unresolved pain, sorrow, anger, or unforgiveness. These things keep us bound to the past. The past does not have to negatively influence our future. We can release it as we face it, deal with the emotions, come to accept what was and now is, and forgive our past.

Making peace with our past will lead us to experience healing, wholeness, and freedom to live our life with true joy. Every day is a new day to appreciate and enjoy. We do not have to allow our past to keep us from being truly happy today. Choose to be free and take the necessary steps to be free now. (We might want to have a professional counselor help us go through this process.)

Following are questions to reflect on and steps to take in making peace with our past:

1. Face your past. What are your regrets? What caused or still causes you pain? What are your losses? Have you grieved them?

2. Face your feelings. Does your past make you angry, sad, feel bad about yourself, bitter, damaged, cheated?

3. Forgive your past. Do you have any bitterness, hatred, or unforgiveness towards anyone (including yourself)? Why are you holding on to it? What would it take for you to release it and free yourself from its control in your life?

4. Accept your past. When we cannot change something, the healthiest thing we can do is accept it. Can you accept your past? What have you learned from it? How can it change you for the better?

5. Make peace with your past and be free. When your past no longer controls your life—your peace, your hope, attitude, relationships, ability to love others, give and share of yourself, dream, believe, and trust once again, then you are free!

It is my hope that this has helped you in making peace with your past, and in looking forward to better days ahead!

Krystal

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

 He who spends time regretting the past, loses the present and risks the future. ~Quevedo

Regret is an appalling waste of energy --you can't build on it. It's only good for wallowing in. ~Katherine Mansfield 

Your memory replays your past; your imagination replays your future. ~Mike Murdock


Copyright © 2007 Krystal Kuehn BeHappy4Life.com NewDayCounseling.org All Rights Reserved



Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a licensed professional counselor, author, teacher, and musician. She specializes in helping people live their best life now, reach their full potential, overcome barriers, heal from their past, and develop a lifestyle of health, happiness, and love. Krystal is the cofounder of NewDayCounseling.org, a relationship counseling, family counseling center, specializing in helping individuals, couples and families with professional counseling services for relationship problems, parenting issues, depression, anxiety as well a s substance abuse classes, anger management groups, and more. Krystal is also cofounder of StopSuicideSong.com and BeHappy4Life.com as well as Facebook.com/WordsOfInspiration and several blogs.

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Taking Responsibility

Taking Responsiblity by Dennis Liegghio
(excerpt from Building a Foundation for Happiness )

Life is difficult. This is the great truth, one of the greatest truths—it is a great truth because once we see this truth, we transcend it. ~ M. Scott Peck


For so many years, I believed that my life was a cruel joke, and was the direct result of everything that had ever happened to me. I believed that I was “born to lose” and I blamed my life events and the circumstances that I was born into. Coming to terms with three, simple truths about life allowed me to start looking at my life from a different perspective, and helped to set me free from the chains of the past.

1. Life is sometimes difficult, and can seem unfair. Bad things happen to good people every day. That’s life. We can’t control much of what happens to us, but we can control how we react to it. There are ups and downs, tragedies and triumphs, love and loss. It’s all a part of the human experience and accepting that we can’t control much of what we experience allows us to focus on the experience itself, trusting that “this too shall pass”, and take with us the lesson that we are meant to learn. Struggle, pain and adversity exist so that we may learn resilience, humility and compassion. These things did not happen to us because we are cursed or doomed or born to suffer. These things happen to us so that we can grow.

2. The world doesn’t owe me anything. I believed for so long, that because my life had been full of tragedy and heartbreak and loss that I was entitled to peace, love, success and happiness. I believed that I shouldn’t have to put any effort into, or work toward these things. I believed life owed me this. God owed me this. Everyone who I ever came into contact with owed me this. That is what I expected, and that is how I behaved. Nobody owes me anything of course, and when I accepted that, and took responsibility for it, my perceptions began to change. Instead of focusing on what I didn’t have (and what I believed I should have), I began focusing on all of the amazing gifts and people in my life, and being grateful for them. Acknowledging that gratitude each day – in my heart, and out loud, helped me redirect my thoughts and to accept that I wasn’t entitled to anything. Everything was a gift! If I wanted peace, and love and success and happiness (for whatever those things meant to me) I had to work towards these things, just like everyone else.

3. My happiness and well-being is MY responsibility. For so many years, I would go to sleep each night hoping that someday, some girl would swoop into my life and rescue me. Take me away from all this pain and sadness and make everything OK. This of course, is a fairy tale. We are not capable of being good for someone else, or truly loving someone else until we are good for ourselves, until we love ourselves. It’s unfair to place this expectation on another human being. We are all trying to do the best we can with what we’ve got on our journey, and it’s not fair to dump our shortcomings, insecurities, negative attitudes and unhealthy behaviors on someone else. I needed to do some pretty serious self-examination and work on developing positive thoughts, actions and behaviors before I could start cultivating positive and meaningful relationships in my life. It’s not right to place our expectation of happiness on someone else’s shoulders, and we’ll never find happiness if we continue living life this way.

My big breakthrough moment (which I will describe later) was very similar to the scene in Good Will Hunting, though it took many years to get there: my father’s suicide was not my fault, and there was nothing that I could have done. The past is over, and it was time to move on. Nobody can change their past, and I’m not trying to minimize what I experienced as a child or anything that you’ve experienced in your past, but this is now, and we have the choice, the power, and the responsibility to start moving forward. Our past does not dictate our future… Tomorrow is built on the choices we make today.

You’ll have an amazing sense of empowerment once you decide to stop blaming others, or circumstances that you had no control over, and start taking responsibility for the choices you make starting right now. You are free to make choices every day. You are free to choose to stay in unhealthy relationships and you are free to choose not to. You are free to choose with whom you will spend your time and what you will spend your time doing. You are free to choose to express yourself or ask for help when you feel overwhelmed and you are free to choose to isolate yourself and self-medicate. You are free to choose to go for a walk or a jog or a bike ride and you are free to choose to lay on the couch and watch TV. You are free to flip the guy off who just cut you off and lose your temper and you are free to take deep breath and let it go because you have no control over this person’s actions. You are free to make choices that will help you learn and grow and you are free to make choices that will keep you where you’re at in life. It starts by recognizing that you do have a choice in each moment – reflect on what the possible choices are and make a choice based on what you think would have the most positive and healthy outcome. I was free to keep getting wasted every day and running from my problems, and I was free to make the choice to seek help and look for answers. I chose to seek help and look for answers.

Despite the stigma that is somehow still attached, seeking help from a therapist doesn’t mean that you’re crazy. The goal of therapy is to provide a safe environment for an intimate relationship to develop. In this environment, you learn the skills needed to open yourself up and be vulnerable to someone else and discuss your fears and insecurities. Through this relationship, where the therapist is a professionally trained listener with the ability to empathize, you can feel free to discuss these things, and arrive at a place where you feel confident and secure enough to move forward in a healthy manner. The client / therapist relationship builds trust and helps you to develop communication and coping skills. In short, you are taught how to own and process your feelings. Therapy can be a very helpful thing for those of us who have experienced traumas that we have not yet processed. Building intimate relationships with others (not just romantic ones) can also be useful for these purposes, but therapy provides an unbiased, professional environment. If you are having trouble sustaining meaningful, intimate relationships with others I would strongly suggest looking into therapy. My life, attitude and relationships have all improved dramatically since.

Building a Foundation for Happiness
by Dennis Liegghio
http://www.detourproject.org/


Ninety-nine percent of all failures come from people who have a habit of making excuses. ~George Washington Carver


You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. ~ Jim Rohn

If it's never our fault, we can't take responsibility for it. If we can't take responsibility for it, we'll always be its victim. ~Richard Bach

 Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the nonpharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality. ~John W. Gardner

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