Prevent Relationship Problems with Anger Management - Part 2

Feelings are not supposed to be logical.  Dangerous is the man who has rationalized his emotions. ~David Borentein

Of all the emotions we experience in our lives, anger seems to be one we all experience frequently in one way or another. When we think of an angry person we might picture someone getting loud or aggressive; or someone who is critical and mean. But anger is also expressed in other ways as in a person who is depressed and turns their anger inward. Or in a person who is afraid or frustrated or lonely.

Most often when we experience feelings of anger they alert us to an underlying emotion(s). That is, there is something behind our anger. For example, we might feel angry because we have been hurt by what someone said to us. So the underlying emotion here is hurt. Once we recognize this and deal with the hurt we will be able to release our anger. We might also feel angry because we feel frustrated that things did not go as planned. Realizing why we are angry and then dealing with the frustration will help us release the anger.

Sometimes when people are angry they don't realize that they are also experiencing other feelings as well. Identifying what other feelings besides anger they are experiencing is an important first step to learning what is really behind their anger. Then those feelings can be faced. Sometimes it is so much easier to feel angry than it is to face other feelings like shame or guilt or rejection. Those feelings can be unpleasant and uncomfortable and that is why so many people run from their feelings or try to bury them. Drug and alcohol abuse, gambling, promiscuity, workaholism, gossip, etc., are all evidence of this.

So how can we face what is behind our anger and release it? It all depends. We might need to accept certain people or things in our lives. We might need to forgive someone. We might need to work on our self-esteem. We might need to make changes and take action. We might need to learn how to manage our emotions. Acceptance, forgiveness, and taking responsibility will help us to let go of anger that weighs down our hearts. Anger that is unresolved and not motivated to positive action keeps us from having peace and a calm, untroubled mind.

Anger is not all bad. It is a God-given emotion that helps us to experience life in all its fullness. It is what we do with our anger that matters. We can learn to manage and control our anger before it becomes destructive. If necessary, we can get professional help to deal with it. Anger management classes and/or individual anger counseling can be extremely supportive and helpful in equipping us with many tools for a better life. We do not have to feel ashamed or guilty for feeling the way we do. Each one of us experiences anger from time to time. Anger has no control over us when we choose to release it. We can manage our anger, let go of toxic emotions, and experience freedom.


Nothing is worth losing your inner peace.  Take action as circumstances require, but never surrender your inner peace.  Stop. Breathe deeply. Close your eyes and breathe deeply again.  Then, and only then, take action – from a peaceful heart.  ~Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Those who are at war with others are seldom at peace with themselves. ~unknown

Be at peace with yourself first and then you will be able to bring peace to others. ~Thomas A. Kempis


C2007 Krystal Kuehn, NewDayCounseling.org
Prevent Relationship Problems with Anger Management Part 2
Releasing Anger, Finding Freedom


New Day Family Counseling provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, children therapy, teenage counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseling, porn addiction counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.


Put an end to anger problems & regain control over your life today. Anger management classes help for personal, court, and business. For more info go to newdaycounseling.org or call to register today.


Love and Logic Parenting Classes help you with the most important job there is! You can learn practical tools & techniques for effective discipline, better communication, appropriate boundaries, healthy decision-making, & respectful adult-child relationships. Workshops are available at New Day Counseling in Troy. For more information or to register online go to: Love and Logic Parenting Class or call 248-649-8050.


Self-Esteem Group for Teen Girls (ages 13-17)
Teen girls learn to feel empowered, gain self-awareness, develop positive coping, and improve daily problem-solving skills. Through G.I.R.L.S. (Girls in Real Life Situations) counseling curriculum, group discussion, and fun activities, girls will learn more about themselves and be better equipped to handle Real Life Situations. Call 248-649-8050 today to register. For more information, click here.









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Prevent Relationship Problems with Anger Management

When you strike out in anger, you might miss the other person, but you will always hit yourself. ~Jim Gallery

Striking out with angry words is the cause of so many relationship problems. Words are powerful. They can encourage, strengthen, and change destinies. They can also destroy potential and robs us of hope and peace. Most major fires begin with just a small flame. Before long the fire spreads and becomes more and more difficult to contain. It damages or completely destroys everything in its path. Do we realize how quickly unmanaged anger can do significant damage? And as the quote above humorously expresses, anger always hurts the angry person. Sometimes even more so than those to whom it is directed. That is because we cannot have both peace and bitterness in our hearts. An angry person loses his or her peace and joy. Anger obstructs the expression of love, and without love there is no true happiness.

We all get angry. It is inevitable. But, not all anger is bad. We have heard stories of people who have made major contributions to society, fought against injustices, and made positive life changes as they were motivated by righteous anger. Problematic anger, on the other hand, is usually explosive, hidden, or denied. If not faced and dealt with, anger hinders our ability to have healthy and loving relationships.

So how do we deal with anger? We can begin by recognizing the underlying emotions that lead up to our negative reactions such as feelings of hurt, frustration, shame, rejection, fear, jealousy. The next time you feel angry, ask yourself What emotion is behind my anger? You may begin to see a pattern. For example, a woman gets angry every time her boyfriend is late for their meeting. She realizes that his tardiness makes her feel rejected and this leads to her angry outbursts. What is the underlying problem that needs to be addressed? Rejection. How about the boyfriend who expresses his anger by shutting down when his girlfriend tries to engage him in conversation? As he identifies the pattern, he realizes that he feels jealous every time she talks to other guys. He tries to hide his anger and does not express his feelings to her directly, so he pulls away instead.

Anger does not have to bring ruin to our lives and relationships. There are healthy and effective ways to manage it. I have briefly discussed the underlying emotions of anger and the importance of dealing with the causes. If you need more help in this area, I highly recommend participating in an anger management class or individual anger counseling. It can be extremely supportive and helpful in equipping you with many tools for a better life.

Above all else, may peace rule in our hearts, Krystal


Copyright © 2009 NewDayCounseling.org, Prevent Relationship Problems with Anger Management written by Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC


New Day Family Counseling provides professional counseling services for the entire family. We help parents, children, teens, families, individuals and couples. We offer couples therapy / marriage counseling, child therapy, teenage counseling, anxiety counseling, depression counseling, divorce counseling, grief counseling, porn addiction counseling. We also offer groups for anger counseling. Go to NewDayCounseling.org today for more information or call us at 248-649-8050. We are here to help, and we look forward to hearing from you.


Put an end to anger problems & regain control over your life today. Anger management classes help for personal, court, and business. For more info go to newdaycounseling.org or call to register today.


Love and Logic Parenting Classes help you with the most important job there is! You can learn practical tools & techniques for effective discipline, better communication, appropriate boundaries, healthy decision-making, & respectful adult-child relationships. Workshops are available at New Day Counseling in Troy. For more information or to register online go to: Love and Logic Parenting Class or call 248-649-8050.



Self-Esteem Group for Teen Girls (ages 13-17)
Teen girls learn to feel empowered, gain self-awareness, develop positive coping, and improve daily problem-solving skills. Through G.I.R.L.S. (Girls in Real Life Situations) counseling curriculum, group discussion, and fun activities, girls will learn more about themselves and be better equipped to handle Real Life Situations. Call 248-649-8050 today to register. For more information, click here.





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